Speak!

One of the well known facts about military families is that we move...a lot! We are currently in our 10th house in 15 years of marriage. There is so much that goes into moving that is a pain, but one of the aspects civilian people may not think about is that every time you move you not only have a new house with new windows that your old curtains don't fit in, but you have new people. It's more than neighbors and potential friends.

New teachers, new doctors, new dentists, new eye doctors, and new therapists. This is quite a few unknowns to deal with, but there is one more. One so capable of making your life a living hell that it must be addressed on it's own.

It is...the new hair stylist! Ohhh, it hurts just to see it in writing! I grew up in the small/mid-size town of Carlisle, PA. There was a beauty salon right outside the front gate of post.

The Hair Loft, owned by Cathy Meals, was the only place I ever remember getting my hair cut as a child. Cathy was the coolest lady. Her daughter, Natalie, was only a year younger than me, but Cathy was younger than my mom and very hip! Hair, makeup, clothes: she always looked great and was up on all the trends. The first cut I remember specifically wanting was a "Dorthy Hamill" and she did it right! (I even made my mom buy me some "Short & Sassy" shampoo that Dorthy was touting at the time)

My parents retired and remained in Carlisle, giving me the option to get my hair cut at what was now called Tangles whenever I am home. Natalie bought the business from her mother and is now the owner of a place that made anyone's Steel Magnolia salon dreams come true. It is always great to go back and see Natalie. Another friend from high school, Jeff, also works there and is my regular stylist. More times than not, I run into several other people I know while I was there. It is a great place to catch up with all things that were Carlisle.

As soon as I confirmed the date for my wedding, my next call was to Natalie to block out that morning for my own and my bridesmaids hair. She also did my nails the day before when I couldn't find my engagement ring - hmmm, another blog worthy story.

I still go there every summer and bring my daughters there too. My point is this, your hair salon is a part of your "hometown" so when you have to move every couple years, you aren't gonna get that feeling. I understand that, but I still have standards.

I believe that as soon as someone has mastered all the hair techniques, such as cutting, coloring, parting, etc, they need a final course. It could be called, "How to Conversate 101."

It may not be very obvious, but I don't get out much. Even with all the kids in school this year, it is a MAJOR deal to go get my hair done. There are plenty of other things I could and should be doing (laundry, dishes, groceries, etc) than spending money on my head. I can hear you now; "But you have to take care of you," "You need to treat yourself" BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! I get it, I do.

Sadly, after 5 kids and feeling very overwhelmed, my hair is one of the last priorities. When I have somewhere to go, I get it done and it's fine. It's just not something that is on the calendar every 4-6 weeks like they keep telling me. Honestly, I'm lucky if I get back within 6 months.

Last week I had a ball to attend. The kids kept calling it a Prom, but no, it was the Special Operations Ball. I was excited because we had not gone to a ball in years and it is fun to get dressed up once every few years!

I had found someone to do my hair in Leavenworth. I really liked her and the salon. I got to know about her life, her family and she got to know about mine. There was some banter in the shop and occasionally I would look over and see a friend in a chair across the room. I went to this person for two and 1/2 years. We had a good thing going. And then she was gone...

Remember back in middle school when you were "going" with someone and they wanted to break up so they sent a friend to tell you? It felt like she broke up with me. Did she quit, get fired, what? No phone call, no note, no forwarding salon. Ouch!

Here I am, finishing my 3rd year in the same house, a rarity, and I have to find someone else to do my hair? (insert long wail of desperation)

Back to the ball, I am optionless. A stylist is someone with whom you have a relationship built on trust and confidence that you won't be walking around town looking like a fool! To go into this blindly just stinks! I need my hair done and I have no clue who to call. I go back through some advertisements from when we first arrived and I find a coupon (yeah, I'm cheap) for a different salon downtown. I had brought Tali there several months ago and thought they did a decent job. Unfortunately, the girl who cut Tali's hair is not working that day so I go with "Cuteness." (It's not my intention to dime anyone out here- just pontificating)

I walked in to find Cuteness standing there expectantly. "Mary?" She really was cute and I loved her hair which I think is a fair commentary on how they'll do yours. As it turned out, I loved how she did my hair. She did great with the color as I'm not organized enough to have my last person write the formula down. Who knew I would need it?

My first issue was time. It took 3 hours for her to cut, highlight and style my hair. Three hours in the life of Mary Carlton is a loooong time. That being said, if I felt that it really should've taken three hours I'd be okay. But when you are watching someone sloooowly separate out a piece of hair, then reeeeach over for the foil and laaaay the hair on it and then paint several very sloooow precisely placed strokes of color on your hair, before foooolding the foil over and roooolling it up, it can be incredibly nerve wracking. It took all my restraint not to jump up and say "Toss the bowl over here sister, I'll help you out! Slip, slap, next section!"

But there is no way to be snarky to someone who holds the fate of your hair in their hands! Seriously, you want to tick off someone who is standing over you surrounded by scissors and hot curling irons? It could get ugly quickly and that's just not a chance I'm willing to take!

The real issue, however, the big one, the reason I felt compelled to write was this: There were no words! None! Nada! Zero! Zilch! Do I need to go on? Honestly, it could've taken 5 hours and I wouldn't be complaining if there was enjoyment involved...or a conversation of any type! Berate me for not knowing the formula, make fun of my clothes, just speak!!!

Like I said, she was cute and the shop was adorable. Alas, it was empty and the foil echoed painfully. There was only one other person in the salon, but there was no chatting. The other woman did have two older customers during my appointment. They talked a bit and I said a prayer of thanks that I hadn't suddenly gone deaf. I had to stick my nose in their conversation a few times just to make sure I wasn't mute either.

I tried to talk to Cuteness and this is how it went:

"Did you grow up in Leavenworth?"
"Yes"
"So you've lived here all your life."
"Well, we moved to Lancing." (the next town over)
"Were you a military brat?"
"No. My Dad owns the something(a car place) downtown."

I have no idea what the place is, but I pick up on the car aspect.

"Did your Dad put you in the TV commercials when you were little?"
"He doesn't do commercials."
"Oh, I was just thinking about how many times you see local low budget commercials for car places and the owner puts his kids or grand kids in them. They aren't always the best choice either. I think it's funny, but it drives my Dad crazy for some reason."
"No, he doesn't do commercials."

I try a different tactic:

"Did you watch the Oscars?" (I was holding an "Oscar Preview" People magazine)
"No"
"Oh, well I DVR'd and have watched parts of it."
"Mmmmm"
"There were some pretty dresses, but lots of beige on pasty white women. I don't get that."
"Sometimes I watch to see the hair."
"It probably gives you good ideas, huh?"
"Yes"
"Do you get a lot of girls coming in for Prom?"
"Yes"
"Oooh, I like her hair! I wonder what time they get up in the morning to be ready by 3 or 4 in the afternoon. I'll be lucky to have 15 minutes alone to dress and do my makeup tonight without the kids needing something or fighting."
"Mmmmm Hmmmm"

I bring out the big guns. When people find out I have 5 kids that's usually good for several questions ie: "Do you know what causes that?" "Are you Mormon?" "Do you home school?" All of these are very original and clever...NOT!

"There's 5 of them. It gets kinda crazy."
"I'm sure."

Wow, I got nothin'!

This is where I admit, I don't have the gift of conversation that my husband does. He can talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime and get a dialog going that usually ends up in an invitation for us to visit the cab drivers country and stay with his relatives. You may think I'm kidding, but I'm not.

I'm not always comfortable talking to people I don't know. I don't feel the need to strike up conversations where ever I am. I prefer to be in my element, but when put in a situation where it's my only option, I'm willing to give it my best! I guess I could have sat and contemplated the state of the world or sang songs in my head, (there was not even a radio or TV on). What I really wanted to do, and did a few times was fall asleep. But dozing is not good when someone is trying to cut your hair evenly. So, maybe I'm not a great (or even adequate) conversationalist, but I'm also not willing to shoulder the entire responsibility for the lack of discussion.

A hair dresser should be the type of person who is an extrovert or who at least can begin and maintain a dialog of give and take. Communication is a bonus when you need to understand what your customer wants. Additionally, going to the beauty salon is a social event of sorts, a situation that calls for noise. I'm happiest in a busy shop with lots of friendly abusive comments going back and forth. And gossip, I'm big on the gossip!

Sadly, while I was getting wound tighter and tighter watching the clock tick, Cuteness didn't seem to mind the silence. Maybe, she's new and was concentrating really hard. Maybe she had a lot on her mind. Regardless of the reason, I don't know if I'll go back. She did give me a Coke when I arrived and took the coupon although it was expired, so she gets points for that. I suppose should consider the fact that I read two magazines cover to cover (which never happens) a bonus, but I'd rather just talk.

I'll be in Carlisle for about a month this summer. Hey Natalie & Jeff, book me when the shop is at it's loudest, please! There's no place like home!