Miscellanious thoughts about The Gym

~ There is no shame in wearing a winter coat to the gym.  In full disclosure there has been shame, big shame, until today at which time I walked out of the house and my exposed calves felt as if I had stepped into a bucket of acid.  They weren't cold, they were flash frozen in .4 seconds.  I was afraid that if I tripped they would crack then shatter like Tom when Jerry freezes him in an ice block.

~ If it is 8:55 and there is a class starting at 9, it would behoove those working at the front desk to act like they care.  Okay, maybe that's asking too much, perhaps standing up and reaching for my ID card instead of holding your hand out with your elbow at the back of the room.  Just meet me half way...even a quarter of the way.  (Actually, it's not that bad, I'm just in a pissy mood)  However, a bit of preparation to smooth out a traffic jam of people buying tickets to class and/or just checking in, topped with a shot of Red Bull might help move things along.

~ There are days where it takes all I have not to rearrange the weight rack into the proper order.  Small weights on the top, big weights on the bottom.  I prefer that the solid weights are separated from those that look like a steering wheel.  Also, my mood is considerably brightened when there is an even number or weights on each rod.  Just sayin'.

~ Do we really need a class on how to stack steps?  Rightside up, upside down, repeat!  C'mon people, not that difficult.

~ Feel free to step on my yoga mat and I will feel free to drop a 10lb weight on your stomach.  It's not that big, and we are not at the Jersey Shore.  There is room to walk around.

~ I enjoy angry music when I'm working out.  Very angry music.  Eminem's rap in that song w/ Rhianna about the burning bed for example.  Ice T - New Jack Hustler "You don't like my lifestyle F*#$ You!"  type anger.  Feel free to message me suggestions.

~ Please wear clothes.  It is absolutely possible for people to realize you are in wonderful shape even when there is fabric covering your body.  This applies to both men and women.  IF you are that amazing (which you probably aren't), I can admire you without watching the sweat run down your back.  Wear something to soak some of that $hit up.  Seriously.

~ If you are too tired or lazy to flush the toilet at the gym.  Go home.  We don't like you.

~ In light of the above, there is definitely something weird about the toilets in Gruber.  If you drop the toilet paper too far forward in the bowl, it will not get swept down with the flush.  You're a big girl, figure it out.  Do not leave the stall until you have.

~ Literary genius Adam Carolla once wrote something to the effect of: "There wasn't piss on the toilet handle until you stepped on it with your damn Reebok."  Perhaps so Adam, but I'm still using my foot!

~ Be kind and friendly to the janitors.  They deal with the nastiest of stuff long after you've gone home, showered and settled into bonbons and soaps.

~ There will be hair on the floor, it's a given.  What is not a given is that you should brush out your ponytail, grab all the loose hairs and drop them onto the floor.  Also, clean your brush out at home, no one wants to look at your hairball hanging on the side of the garbage can.

~ To the wonderful ladies who weigh 106 lbs.  Good for you!  While we all share in your pride and joy, it would be helpful to return the scale to 0 after you weigh yourself.  The scale will stay more regulated and will appear to be much more welcoming if everyone gets to start fresh.

~  If someone is hanging back to weigh themselves it is not because they want to see what you weigh. On the contrary, they are not nosey, but private.  Perhaps they have suffered from eating disorders and have a lengthy and bizarre ritual they must do when on the scale.  Like putting it to 150, then moving the small weight to 50, then moving the large weight back to 100 to ensure they are not over 150lbs.  Then they may s-l-o-w-l-y move the small weight down.  First by 10s, then 5s, then by 1/2 lb increments until they get close and then it's by 1/8ths.  Trust me, they know they are a freak.  Just be happy that you didn't share the locker room with them when they went from 150 down by 1/2 lb nudges.  Nah, I'm kidding, they are just nosey and can't wait to tell everyone what you weigh.

~ Once you have gone to the gym, you are absolved from doing anything else the rest of the day.  Your work here is done.  Accomplishments after the gym are just icing on the cake.