I should know better than to promise a post. I am too tired to even write a complete sentence let alone a complete thought.
I am hoping that by this time tomorrow I will be feeling better and the possible black cloud floating over my head will be disapating.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
You can take a kid away from the Army...
First I wanted to say thanks to everyone for all the kind words from yesterday's post. I really try not to be a Debbie Downer too often. Laughing is much more fun!
Sawyer had a much better day today! Even his teacher sent me an email saying as much. He was actually able to sit with me for a few minutes after he got home and talk about the papers in his back pack before demanding 5 chicken nuggets. It has to be five now that he is 5 years old. The condiment choice of the day was ketchup because he saw a red truck while he was on the School Bus today. He explained to me that if he saw a yellow truck it would be mustard. BUT if he saw a yellow race car he would need mustard and ketchup.
Have you read "The Curious Case of the Dog in the Nightime?" (I know it's supposed to be underlined, but I can't find the button at the moment) Anyway, it's a book about a teenager with Asperger's and is written from his point of view. In the beginning he explains how he determines if he's gonna have a good day. It has something to do with the colors and types of cars he sees on the way to school. Like if he sees a yellow car, it's going to be an awful day.
Are you catching the parallel here? Creepy! So either Sawyer had a totally "typical" 5 year old moment of rambling on about some random reason to pick ketchup over mustard, or he's really demonstrating some characteristics of autism (making up "rules" for himself and needing to follow them to the letter), OR his intelligence surpasses anything we could conceive and he's been to the library, read the book and is demonstrating a more warped and twisted sense of humor than his mother! I have always said the boy is the original Stewie Griffen.
He had this uncanny knack of acting completely "typical" whenever something has caused Charlie and I to be concerned. It's almost like he knows we are watching him more closely so he throws his "normal development" switch. He'll do something beyond what we would have expected of him and we think "Oh, okay, he is doing well." Then the second we turn our back he'll start flapping his hands or rolling his eyes into the back of his head. Can you not see Stewie practicing all this in the mirror of his room? Then he'll throw back his head and laugh while he goes back to working on his plan to kill Lois and take over the world.
However, this post is about what happened AFTER the chicken nugget discussion. I was doing laundry and Sawyer walked in.
S: Call Daddy! (Odd, he hates talking on the phone)
M: We can't babe, he's working.
S: Call Daddy! Call Daddy! Call Daddy!
M: Sauce, he's at work. The best we can do is leave a message.
S: Call him!
M: If we get the machine will you leave him a message? (Of course he's gonna say no)
S: Yes!
M: (This is getting interesting) What will you tell him?
S: Come home!
M: Sweetie, he can't come home. He's working.
S: Him could have a break.
M: Remember he had to get on an airplane to get where he's going? It's far away.
S: A airplane could bring him home and take him back. Just quick.
M: Honey, it's too far to come home, even for the weekend. Do you want me to show you the calendar and when he'll come home.
S: Call Daddy!
M: Okay. Here I'll put it on speaker so you can hear the message and then talk into the phone.
So amazingly, at 1pm (2pm Eastern) Charlie answers the phone. I thought for sure it wouldn't even be turned on. Anyway, it ends like this:
C: Hey honey, can I call you right back?
M: Yes, nothing's wrong. (I hang up)
Sawyer looks at me quizzically.
M: Daddy's gonna call us right back.
S: Why?
M: He's busy.
S: (Light bulb goes off above his head and his eyes widen) Him's in a battle right now?
Awwwww, how sad is that? All some of these military kids know is that when they put their Daddy's (or Mommy's) on an airplane they must be going to war. I tried to tell him, no, he's near Nana and BobBob, in Virginia. But I'm pretty sure all that did was make him think that next summer when we go home, we'll be really close to the "battles."
All summer he played "Army Man." He would ride on the bouncy horse my Dad put out on the deck. You know the one w/ the 4 springs that squeaks unmercifully as it goes up and down or back and forth? Anyway, he be up there bouncing away and he'd yell "Bye Mom!"
M: Where're ya going?
S: Iraq. You need to come too, but your to big for my horse. You can ride a bicycle.
M: Thanks!
S: It's gonna take 3 days. Get some guns, we have to leave now!
Like I said, you can take a kid away from the Army...
Sawyer had a much better day today! Even his teacher sent me an email saying as much. He was actually able to sit with me for a few minutes after he got home and talk about the papers in his back pack before demanding 5 chicken nuggets. It has to be five now that he is 5 years old. The condiment choice of the day was ketchup because he saw a red truck while he was on the School Bus today. He explained to me that if he saw a yellow truck it would be mustard. BUT if he saw a yellow race car he would need mustard and ketchup.
Have you read "The Curious Case of the Dog in the Nightime?" (I know it's supposed to be underlined, but I can't find the button at the moment) Anyway, it's a book about a teenager with Asperger's and is written from his point of view. In the beginning he explains how he determines if he's gonna have a good day. It has something to do with the colors and types of cars he sees on the way to school. Like if he sees a yellow car, it's going to be an awful day.
Are you catching the parallel here? Creepy! So either Sawyer had a totally "typical" 5 year old moment of rambling on about some random reason to pick ketchup over mustard, or he's really demonstrating some characteristics of autism (making up "rules" for himself and needing to follow them to the letter), OR his intelligence surpasses anything we could conceive and he's been to the library, read the book and is demonstrating a more warped and twisted sense of humor than his mother! I have always said the boy is the original Stewie Griffen.
He had this uncanny knack of acting completely "typical" whenever something has caused Charlie and I to be concerned. It's almost like he knows we are watching him more closely so he throws his "normal development" switch. He'll do something beyond what we would have expected of him and we think "Oh, okay, he is doing well." Then the second we turn our back he'll start flapping his hands or rolling his eyes into the back of his head. Can you not see Stewie practicing all this in the mirror of his room? Then he'll throw back his head and laugh while he goes back to working on his plan to kill Lois and take over the world.
However, this post is about what happened AFTER the chicken nugget discussion. I was doing laundry and Sawyer walked in.
S: Call Daddy! (Odd, he hates talking on the phone)
M: We can't babe, he's working.
S: Call Daddy! Call Daddy! Call Daddy!
M: Sauce, he's at work. The best we can do is leave a message.
S: Call him!
M: If we get the machine will you leave him a message? (Of course he's gonna say no)
S: Yes!
M: (This is getting interesting) What will you tell him?
S: Come home!
M: Sweetie, he can't come home. He's working.
S: Him could have a break.
M: Remember he had to get on an airplane to get where he's going? It's far away.
S: A airplane could bring him home and take him back. Just quick.
M: Honey, it's too far to come home, even for the weekend. Do you want me to show you the calendar and when he'll come home.
S: Call Daddy!
M: Okay. Here I'll put it on speaker so you can hear the message and then talk into the phone.
So amazingly, at 1pm (2pm Eastern) Charlie answers the phone. I thought for sure it wouldn't even be turned on. Anyway, it ends like this:
C: Hey honey, can I call you right back?
M: Yes, nothing's wrong. (I hang up)
Sawyer looks at me quizzically.
M: Daddy's gonna call us right back.
S: Why?
M: He's busy.
S: (Light bulb goes off above his head and his eyes widen) Him's in a battle right now?
Awwwww, how sad is that? All some of these military kids know is that when they put their Daddy's (or Mommy's) on an airplane they must be going to war. I tried to tell him, no, he's near Nana and BobBob, in Virginia. But I'm pretty sure all that did was make him think that next summer when we go home, we'll be really close to the "battles."
All summer he played "Army Man." He would ride on the bouncy horse my Dad put out on the deck. You know the one w/ the 4 springs that squeaks unmercifully as it goes up and down or back and forth? Anyway, he be up there bouncing away and he'd yell "Bye Mom!"
M: Where're ya going?
S: Iraq. You need to come too, but your to big for my horse. You can ride a bicycle.
M: Thanks!
S: It's gonna take 3 days. Get some guns, we have to leave now!
Like I said, you can take a kid away from the Army...
Monday, August 15, 2011
I can see you...
I had a friend send me a message today on FaceBook about a friend of hers who is gravely ill. At the end of her note she said that she loves to read my funny posts and I often make her laugh. She then noted that she knows that although I disguise it with humor there are days when I am really hurting. She's right. I hate to admit that. Not sure why though, it makes perfect sense.
"If I didn't laugh, I'd cry."
How many times have I used that one? Tons, tons I tell you! I do use humor to self medicate. I don't know when it started. In high school probably, when I thought my world was crashing down around me. Something I've been wanting to write about for awhile, but not sure if I'm brave enough yet.
Regardless, I did have a crappy day. How many people do you know that would find it enjoyable to have to physically put their screaming mildly autistic 5 year old on a bus full of kids to go off to Kindergarten? (I say mildly b/c I don't want anyone to think for one second I deserve any pity. I am not the super parent that most special needs kids have. I am amazed at their patience and strength - I am not worthy of the pedestal they should be on!)
So anyway, if I didn't find the humor in it, I would've been a basket case. It's pouring down rain, there are already 4 cars behind the school bus, 50 kids on the bus (including 3 of my own who probably wanted to crawl under their seats) watching me carry this hysterical kid up the steps. He's thrashing around so much that in his attempts to kick me in the face, his shoe flies off. The driver and I are looking for the shoe. She thinks it's outside. I'm bending over looking under the bus for the shoe, I notice that there are now 7 cars waiting for the school bus which stops just short of a huge parking lot. I know the people in these cars are thinking "Could they not have made the bus stop 20 feet further up the street so we could just pull in and park?" They are also at this point thinking "Who is this newly awakened woman in her sweatshirt and duck pajama pants pushing her upset child onto the bus? And why is she now looking under the bus? I don't have time for this."
I can't look at it in any seriousness, it makes me so sad. I can't imagine not trying to find at least a little humor in the scene, I wouldn't be able to coninue putting one foot in front of the other. If I look at it for what it is: a poor terrified little boy doesn't, for reasons he cannot communicate, want to go to school. He went last week and had several meltdowns and had to be removed from the classroom at least once a day. Why would he want to go back? There's a middle aged woman, not organized or motivated enough to get dressed before she goes to the bus stop. She has no pity, she just stone face puts him on the bus making sure he knows that he has no choice. After shoving her tiny child into a seat, she quickly looks for something he dropped or threw (or kicked) but just sort of waves at the bus driver and tells her to go. She is as dismissive as a Nazi guard. (I blame that one on the book I'm reading) Anyway, she sighs and walks casually back to her house in the pouring rain wearing what are obviously not outside slippers.
Now I am depressed...
I pray that God continues to grant me the warped and twisted sense of humor that has kept me going for 43 years. It's the only way I'll survive.
"If I didn't laugh, I'd cry."
How many times have I used that one? Tons, tons I tell you! I do use humor to self medicate. I don't know when it started. In high school probably, when I thought my world was crashing down around me. Something I've been wanting to write about for awhile, but not sure if I'm brave enough yet.
Regardless, I did have a crappy day. How many people do you know that would find it enjoyable to have to physically put their screaming mildly autistic 5 year old on a bus full of kids to go off to Kindergarten? (I say mildly b/c I don't want anyone to think for one second I deserve any pity. I am not the super parent that most special needs kids have. I am amazed at their patience and strength - I am not worthy of the pedestal they should be on!)
So anyway, if I didn't find the humor in it, I would've been a basket case. It's pouring down rain, there are already 4 cars behind the school bus, 50 kids on the bus (including 3 of my own who probably wanted to crawl under their seats) watching me carry this hysterical kid up the steps. He's thrashing around so much that in his attempts to kick me in the face, his shoe flies off. The driver and I are looking for the shoe. She thinks it's outside. I'm bending over looking under the bus for the shoe, I notice that there are now 7 cars waiting for the school bus which stops just short of a huge parking lot. I know the people in these cars are thinking "Could they not have made the bus stop 20 feet further up the street so we could just pull in and park?" They are also at this point thinking "Who is this newly awakened woman in her sweatshirt and duck pajama pants pushing her upset child onto the bus? And why is she now looking under the bus? I don't have time for this."
I can't look at it in any seriousness, it makes me so sad. I can't imagine not trying to find at least a little humor in the scene, I wouldn't be able to coninue putting one foot in front of the other. If I look at it for what it is: a poor terrified little boy doesn't, for reasons he cannot communicate, want to go to school. He went last week and had several meltdowns and had to be removed from the classroom at least once a day. Why would he want to go back? There's a middle aged woman, not organized or motivated enough to get dressed before she goes to the bus stop. She has no pity, she just stone face puts him on the bus making sure he knows that he has no choice. After shoving her tiny child into a seat, she quickly looks for something he dropped or threw (or kicked) but just sort of waves at the bus driver and tells her to go. She is as dismissive as a Nazi guard. (I blame that one on the book I'm reading) Anyway, she sighs and walks casually back to her house in the pouring rain wearing what are obviously not outside slippers.
Now I am depressed...
I pray that God continues to grant me the warped and twisted sense of humor that has kept me going for 43 years. It's the only way I'll survive.
Monday, August 1, 2011
I'll take Quotable Quotes for a thousand...
A long ago promised post...sorry! Life tends to get in the way of my writing sometimes! Too often, in fact. I promised myself after the reunion that I'd start writing again on a regular schedule. I'm still trying to figure out when that's gonna be.
Regardless, here you go:
This weekend was my 25th high school reunion. I have a lot to say about it and am looking forward to writing all about it soon. But until I can rip myself away from FaceBook long enough to do it, you'll have to settle for things other people said:
I haven't put names on anything (except one), and taken out of context some quotes may seem like they mean something they don't. But then again, they may mean exactly what they sound like they mean!
"$2 a beer? It's good to be in Carlisle!"
"I'm bringing a date...and it's a girl!"
"Now here's a man I wanna f___!" (as she gives him a hug)
"If you think a pair of shoes can't make a difference in your life, ask Cinderella how she feels about that." (After asking her dates' opinion on the shoes she was choosing before going to the Elks.)
***I KNOW there were more quotes regarding shoes that night, but I can't seem to remember any...Uh, Marvin, Doug???***
"She felt so bad about not recognizing me...and I had no clue who she was!"
"I'll tell you what, 6th grade was a stellar year!"
"I'm not sure who you are ... and I'm a happily married woman ... but you are REALLY good looking!"
"I met your husband...his name tag says...."Mr. Jacki Powell Fleniken."
"Did I win? I did win, but I have a 98 and everyone else has a 86. I don't get it!"
"I didn't realize inflation was that bad."
"I appreciate her honesty. She said she never talked to me in high school because I was kinda scary."
"I'm reunionizing."
"Oh, I'll suck it alright!"
"I think I may have been a redneck in a former life!"
"Welcome to the ladies room! Would you like a shot?"
"Well, that'll just make your panties smell like smoke!"
"Honey, I want to thank you for being such a boring husband. And I really mean that!"
"SO.....you're selling your house?!? and "Bob" bought me a beer!"
"Bob" likes to buy lots of beer!!!"
Regarding the G-Man carding us:
Chris Plant: "I used to work here in 1987."
Waitress: "Oooh, (giggle) that's the year I was born!"
Regarding the G-Man bathroom:
"How do you go to the bathroom when you're chewing on your knees?"
"I felt like a virgin at a prison rodeo!" Oh, wait, that wasn't at the reunion. That was the guy sitting across the aisle from me on the airplane. Ewwwww...and thankfully, he didn't say it to me!
I'm still telling people, much to the dismay of my husband, that the reunion was one of the best weekends of my life!
Thanks again to the organizers and to everyone who came! I can't tell you how wonderful it was to see everyone! Looking forward to next year!
Regardless, here you go:
This weekend was my 25th high school reunion. I have a lot to say about it and am looking forward to writing all about it soon. But until I can rip myself away from FaceBook long enough to do it, you'll have to settle for things other people said:
I haven't put names on anything (except one), and taken out of context some quotes may seem like they mean something they don't. But then again, they may mean exactly what they sound like they mean!
"$2 a beer? It's good to be in Carlisle!"
"I'm bringing a date...and it's a girl!"
"Now here's a man I wanna f___!" (as she gives him a hug)
"If you think a pair of shoes can't make a difference in your life, ask Cinderella how she feels about that." (After asking her dates' opinion on the shoes she was choosing before going to the Elks.)
***I KNOW there were more quotes regarding shoes that night, but I can't seem to remember any...Uh, Marvin, Doug???***
"She felt so bad about not recognizing me...and I had no clue who she was!"
"I'll tell you what, 6th grade was a stellar year!"
"I'm not sure who you are ... and I'm a happily married woman ... but you are REALLY good looking!"
"I met your husband...his name tag says...."Mr. Jacki Powell Fleniken."
"Did I win? I did win, but I have a 98 and everyone else has a 86. I don't get it!"
"I didn't realize inflation was that bad."
"I appreciate her honesty. She said she never talked to me in high school because I was kinda scary."
"I'm reunionizing."
"Oh, I'll suck it alright!"
"I think I may have been a redneck in a former life!"
"Welcome to the ladies room! Would you like a shot?"
"Well, that'll just make your panties smell like smoke!"
"Honey, I want to thank you for being such a boring husband. And I really mean that!"
"SO.....you're selling your house?!? and "Bob" bought me a beer!"
"Bob" likes to buy lots of beer!!!"
Regarding the G-Man carding us:
Chris Plant: "I used to work here in 1987."
Waitress: "Oooh, (giggle) that's the year I was born!"
Regarding the G-Man bathroom:
"How do you go to the bathroom when you're chewing on your knees?"
"I felt like a virgin at a prison rodeo!" Oh, wait, that wasn't at the reunion. That was the guy sitting across the aisle from me on the airplane. Ewwwww...and thankfully, he didn't say it to me!
I'm still telling people, much to the dismay of my husband, that the reunion was one of the best weekends of my life!
Thanks again to the organizers and to everyone who came! I can't tell you how wonderful it was to see everyone! Looking forward to next year!
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