Okay 2013...Bring it!!!

So 2013, you have arrived.  I know you tried to sneak in the back door when I was exhausted from the trip to Texas and right before I was knocked down by the flu, but I heard you.  I may not have opened the door to welcome you, but I heard you.

You are not something special.  I've seen 44 of your kind before and God willing, will see many more after you.  Some of your counter parts have been good to me, others rotten, and some just nondescript.  I'll tell you right now, that 2012 was a fantastic year, so don't feel like you have nothing to work for.  I don't know, maybe you will surprise me, I've been surprised before.  Remember, however, surprises aren't always good things.

I know you don't have anything to do with it, but Charlie leaves again this year.  It is not a "deployment" which has just as many bad ramifications as good.  It is "an unaccompanied assignment."  The Army will not send the family overseas due to Sawyer's autism and my depression and Charlie needs to go do what he was trained to do.  What freaks me out is that although he's been deployed four times and "unaccompanied" once before, it's never been more than seven or eight months.  A year is a very long time and eight months of that year will be on your watch!

Telling me that it's good that he's not deploying is not helpful so don't even go there.  Good things about being deployed:  tax free income, hostile fire pay, no alcohol in country, free meals, free laundry, I'm sure I can think of a bit more.  Bad things about being unaccompanied:  income is taxed, family separation pay is nowhere near what hostile fire pay is, working in an embassy means "required social events"(every wife loves to hear that), having to sustain a second household, buying meals, paying "the help," and I'm sure I can add to that list too!

Also, let's think about the fact that he'll be getting "wined and dined" and I'll be eating chicken nuggets and dealing with 5 children for a year.  I have always said "My war zone is worse than his war zone" and it's usually true!  Now take into account he'll be set up with a cook, a maid, maybe a driver, and here I am cooking (okay, maybe not cooking), cleaning, taxiing, laundering, counseling, disciplining, and trying to steer these 5 creatures into the good and productive citizen lane!  You tell me, who's got it worse?!?

Maybe it's my faith in God.  Maybe, like my Mother, I just refused to believe that God would take my husband and leave me with 5 children to raise on my own.  In my Mother's case, it was seven, then eight children during my Father's two tours in Vietnam.  Also, the news was not what it is today and she frankly didn't have time to worry.  I worry when Charlie leaves, of course I do.  I go through the scenarios of the knock on the door, gaging how long I could hide in a closet before they forced their way in to tell me.  Where would we go, what would we do, who would walk my girls down the aisle...all of that never goes away when they are gone.  Perhaps it's a choice, spending the whole time worrying.  I've always said "Gone for dinner is gone for dinner, it frankly doesn't matter where he is."

Who's to say, something horrible won't happen at the embassy in Kazakhstan?  Libya was not on real big on the radar before that happened.  Charlie has always reminded me that any one of us could walk out of the house and get hit by a bus.  Yes, some places are more dangerous, but bad things happen to people everywhere, everyday.

I guess what I'm trying to say 2013, is that you have your work cut out for you.  My life has been no cake walk, but guess what?  I'm still here.  I would much prefer that you are kind and gentle to me, and to my children who will suffer much more than I in the coming months.  However, should you be harsh and cruel, prepare to face the wrath of a protective Army Wife and Momma!  We will fight with all we have to make it through this year, that's what we do!