School Haze

Ahhh, it's that time of year again. Lucky for me, in the great state of Kansas, that times comes earlier than most of the country.

The heat continues to scorch the brown straw that was once grass, several lame sit-coms have yet to premiere and the new season of Saturday Night Live has not begun. Friends of mine on the East coast are getting in one more trip to beach, they are still wearing white, and their kids are watching another iCarly marathon.

And yet, MY KIDS HAVE STARTED SCHOOL!!! Which is further proof (not that I needed any more) there is a God. And He is GOOD!

They returned to their day prison on a Tuesday. Not starting on a Monday "gave the children the opportunity to meet their teachers and find their desks." Yeah right! This is just the school districts way of subliminally making the kids think they are starting after a 3 day weekend...like, say, Labor Day?!?!

What cracks me up is that in the first couple weeks they couldn't go outside for recess. Are you ready for this? It was too HOT!!! I'm not quite sure if that's ironic or just a bummer. (But I can with a fair amount of confidence that Alanis Morissette doesn't know either). We had something crazy like 32 consecutive days over 90 degrees. I could gross you out and tell you about the frogs that kept jumping onto our air conditioning unit only to dehydrate in the sun...but I'll refrain.

Don't get me wrong, no one is happier than me that the kids started early (with or without outdoor recess). And PLEASE don't feel sorry for them. Since they got out in late May, they did have a full summer, as did I. It all works out, except of course for those kids who moved here after getting out of school, in another state, in late June. Their parents are thrilled, unlike the parents who moved away from Kansas this summer. Those kids got out of school in May and don't go back until Sept. To those of you with that unfortunate fate, I do send my apologies...pahahahahaha. SUCKERS!!!!! No, really. I'm sorry...heh heh heh heh. I know, I know, it'll be me in a few years and I shouldn't laugh...but I can't help it. I'm just so darn giddy!

My happiness was slightly quelled when I realized that Sawyer's preschool had changed their dates and now he starts a month after the other kids. Seriously?!?! What the heck am I supposed to do with him all month? I got stuff to do! And it does not include making him pepperoni pizza and changing his diaper several times a day. I know I should be so thrilled and proud that he has been "discharged" from his Special Ed. classroom and will be completely mainstreamed this year. I am. Well, I was. Then I realized that Special Ed. preschool started the same week that the other kids did and mainstream preschool started substantially later. It was shortly after this blow that it occurred to me that he will no longer have the "short bus" come pick him up every day.

I've said before, I'm a big fan of the short bus. I admit, I was one of those kids who made fun of the short bus when I was young and as I became an adult, hoped I wouldn't have a child ever have to ride the short bus. But the more you come in contact with special needs kids, the more you realize they don't have cooties, they're not contagious, they are just kids trying to be kids. And the drivers and assistants on the buses Sawyer rode had pretty much reached Sainthood in my eyes by the end of the year.

First of all, the short bus comes right to your front door! You can't beat that on a day when the wind chill is 15 below. (We're in Kansas remember?) And, on the days that Sawyer was taking off one shoe every time I was retying the other one, they waited! For a long time!!! The day he saw the bus coming and sprinted around to the back of the house, I think the driver said, "Wow Sawyer, I didn't know you could run so fast!" I can think of a few things I would've said if I were the driver. I think I had a few bus drivers back in the day that would've waited until the parent left and then cussed the kid out! Come to think of it, maybe she did do that and he couldn't tell me, but I prefer to think she didn't. Plus, and this is not a small factor, ANYONE willing to keep careful track of Frog gets major points in my book!

**If you need further explanation, please go back and read "Dear Frog." I promise that will clue you in.**

Now that they have started school, I realized I had been anticipating the yearly debut of my all time favorite TV commercial. Maybe they haven't started airing it yet, but you know what I'm talking about. "It's the most wonderful time of the year..." The Mom's and Dad's dancing through Staples just gives me goosebumps! Really, can it be stated any better? I'm hoping that they haven't done away with that commercial. The majority of my TV viewing lately consists of "Good Luck Charlie" and "SpongeBob Drive Me Crazy Pants." Perhaps Staples doesn't see much profit margin from advertising miserable kids to the tweens. However, they ought to realize many parents' TVs are taken hostage by Disney Channel and Nickelodeon, and therefore would be smart to show that commercial. Think of they joy they would bring all those parents who have been forced to have "iSaved your Life" as background noise AGAIN!!! How many times can they watch the same one??? That's a rhetorical question as it's apparently enough times that I can quote most of every episode!

But, back to my point. Staples, if you're out there....I'm waiting!