Thank you Dr. ___, for your expert opinion!

Sawyer has Autism. I am trying to get away from saying "Sawyer is Autistic" because I was reading a book recently that discouraged it. In

Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes you Knew

it says "I am first and foremost a child. I have autism. I am not primarily 'autistic.'" (Ellen Notbohm) I tend to agree.

Not long ago, the word Autistic conjured up images of a child rocking in the corner banging his head against the wall. I watched Rain Man recently and realized that when that movie came out, most people knew next to nothing about Autism. Even the characters in the movie  had little to no knowledge on the subject.  I'm not talking about the actors, just the characters they portrayed.  For example, when Charlie brings Raymond to the doctor, it's as if the nurse has no idea about Special Needs patients. Anyway, saying that Sawyer has Autism, has ASD, or is "on the spectrum" seem to be gentler and more descriptive ways to convey in a matter of fact manner, one aspect of my child.

I realize that Autism seems to be the "diagnosis of the day" and that due to a recent expansion of the latest DSM, more and more children seem to land on the spectrum. So he's got lots of company. It doesn't mean the doctors are over-diagnosing. It also doesn't mean that they aren't. I don't know, I'm not a doctor!!!

When Sawyer was about 14 months old, he was given the diagnosis of Developmental Delay. When he was three, I took him to an outreach clinic at Ft. Leavenworth done by KU Med, where he received the Autism diagnosis.

This of course happened while Charlie was deployed and Josie was having what I have come to call a child size nervous breakdown. (A story for another day) I was actually making an appointment at the clinic for her, when it was suggested I bring Sawyer along. I was completely unprepared for receiving a new diagnosis for Sawyer.

But, as an Army wife, you do what you have to do...Suck it up and move on! (I saw that on a bumper sticker once. It blows that "toughest job in the Army" sticker away don'tcha think?)

Anyway, I was given the diagnosis and after the initial shock, I started trying to process what it all meant and what I'd need to be doing to help my child. (You should know that Sawyer is very high functioning and has made amazing progress since we started our journey four years ago) I had to tell Charlie while on Skype, which was difficult. He asked that I bring Sawyer back to KU Med for further testing and confirmation of the diagnosis. I did and they did.

Ironically enough, it was right at this time that Sawyer was being discharged from the Special Ed preschool program because he was "too advanced." When I went to the school with the diagnosis from the head of Developmental Pediatrics at KU MED, his teacher did not believe it. Not only did she not believe it, she was so adamantly opposed to the diagnosis that she refused to sign any paper saying that Sawyer had ASD. I respected the teacher, but did not agree with her on this issue.

It was beyond confusing to have two major conflicting events happen simultaneously. The Docs at KU had "prescribed" an increase of therapies while the school was telling me "it would be a disservice to Sawyer to have him remain in Special Ed."

I ended up allowing them to discharge him from the program, a decision I'll question from time to time, but what's done is done. He had a miserable time in mainstream Preschool until all the paperwork made it through the Army system and we got an ABA therapist in place. What a world of difference a bit of support makes! The preschool we used was not the right one for him, but I was so overwhelmed at the time (did I mention I have 4 other kids and my husband was deployed) we chose the most convenient school. Again, a decision I'll question, but he survived, we all did, and we all learned from it.

March will bring the two year "anniversary" of Sawyers ASD diagnosis and he has made great strides. I am very matter of fact about the diagnosis itself. That's just who I am. I suffer from depression and am medicated for it. Big deal. It's amazing how many people are on anti-depressants when they feel comfortable sharing. Each person makes their own decision about discussing it or not. Either way is what is right for them. Like I said, I'm just very open about it. I also tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. It's a part of who I am and I don't see any shame in it.

My point is, that I don't have a problem telling people Sawyer has ASD. Maybe that is because he is so high functioning. Sometimes I feel like people need to know because he doesn't look any different from the other kids, but he struggles with things that they don't. Am I a bit protective? Sure. No one wants to see their child be "that weird kid." Do I tell people to explain his behavior? Yes. Do I tell people to EXCUSE unacceptable behavior? NO!

What I can't take, though, is people telling me that I am wrong. For example, we are at a party. There are lots of people, lots of kids, lots of chaos. For a child with ASD this is sensory overload to the max! Whether he knows most of the people there or not, he is sure to cling to me for a bit. Enter, good intentioned fellow party goer, "Oh, Sawyer give your Mom a break, come see me." His grip gets tighter. I smile "It's okay. We're fine." At that point, I do not feel the need to get into a long discussion about Autism. But, if an hour into the party, that person or another, continually questions Sawyer on why he's not hanging out with the kids, why he doesn't leave my side, why he doesn't want anything to eat. I may say, "Sawyer has Autism and big crowds can be uncomfortable for him."

STOP THE WORLD -

Note to anyone who would not be considered an expert in the field of Autism: This is NOT, I repeat NOT the time to say "Oh no he doesn't. I don't see that at all." Really? Because I had no idea you had received a PHD in Pediatric Development since I last saw you.

Here is a list of other things NOT to say:

Those Doctors don't know what they're talking about! (Because you do?)

But he looks so normal! (Ummm, thanks?)

There is no way your child is Autistic! (Trained physicians and I beg to differ)

But he's so high functioning. He's not Autistic, he has Aspergers. (No, I assure you, the diagnosis is Autism)

Please! He's gonna grow out of whatever it is he's doing! (Maybe someday Sawyer will lose his diagnosis. I hear that it could happen. But I promise this is not a childhood phase)

Oh, they say every kid is Autistic these days! (No, not really)

I've read about Autism and Sawyer certainly doesn't have it! (Again, PhD when/where?)

He's fine! (Yes, he is fine. He just also happens to have ASD)

I'm not dumb. I know that 99.9% of people who say things off the above list are trying to be nice. Maybe they feel like by disagreeing with the diagnosis I will feel better about my son. Guess what? I feel great about my son! He's a wonderful kid. He's going to be a great athlete and he's incredibly smart.

I hope it goes without saying that the snarky comments above remain in my brain and do not generally travel out through my mouth. I used to open a discussion and try to explain Sawyer and why he has the diagnosis he does, but it got me nowhere but frustrated. Now I simply smile, raise my eyebrows, and try to smooth my face into a pleasant, content listener. Meanwhile, I have "checked out"(Sawyer has taught me some tricks) and am planning tonights dinner.

There are better responses though.

Things that don't make me bristle:

Really? I would've never guessed. (Thanks, he's been making lots of progress)

Wow, I didn't realize. (Good, that what he works so hard for)

When was he diagnosed? How did you know? (I love questions! I am happy to answer any and all that you have)

I guess what I'm trying to say is that so many times we say things without thinking about how they sound. I'm guilty of it too I'm sure. But I try to make a practice of not disagreeing with the diagnosis of a medical expert.

Just sayin'!