A few years ago there was a huge controversy about a little
boy who wanted to wear a Daphne costume for Halloween. Daphne, as in Scooby-Doo, Daphne.
It was an interesting concept. While I
thought the Mom handled it well and I felt she was right in letting him wear
it, a friend of a friend was so insulted by the notion I had to just cut her
off. Honestly, I don't think I talked to her again after that FB explosion. (For the record, I have not been involved in a full blown posting war since Obama announced he single handedly killed Osama Bin Laden while blindfolded and having one hand behind his back....at least not one that I remember....)
I could see both sides. I
hate to throw my kids to the wolves if it’s not necessary. I love my kids and would never want to put them in a situation where I know they could be abused. For example, several years ago Tali was at a birthday party and made matching Tshirts with her best friend. They decided to wear them the following Monday. I don't even recall noticing the shirt, but it turned out that it had a rainbow and a triangle, maybe the triangle was up-side-down, I really don't know. I got a call from the counselor shortly after 8am that Tali was in her office crying and could I please bring her another shirt. Apparently, members of her class felt the need to tell her that she was wearing a "Gay Pride" shirt and since it had "Tali" and the name of her friend on it...you get the idea.
Charlie and I discussed it later. Even when we looked at the shirt, at her age, it certainly didn't seem to represent any position on homosexuality to us. Maybe, maybe, if I had really examined it before she walked out the door I might have said something. But what would I say, "People may tease you?" Just the indication of a problem would've led her to not wear it, and really?, she shouldn't have worn a shirt she made with no agenda besides having a BFF? I don't even think Tali really knew what "gay" was when she was that age. And not that it matters either way. I have friends who are gay.
The point being, with a typical child, I think if I deemed the
importance of the lesson they may learn would be more than the pain of the wolves, I
hope I would just say a prayer and give them lots of love on the other side. I'm trying to think of an example....aaannnndddd I got nothin! I'm certain that there have been instances of the above somewhere, sometime. I'll have to get back to you on that.
Sawyer is not a typical child. He has Autism. To be clear, I did NOT say he was not a
normal child, just not typical…as in not neuro-typical. And this is where our story starts:
The other night after a long day of playing soldier he
wanted to see what the Revolutionary War soldiers wore. His odd, but reasonable requests are an often
frustration for me. I’ll be in the
middle of doing something, like pricing 3852 things for the yard sale and he
wants me to drop everything to see what some Brit wore during the Revolution. And in autism fashion, he will NOT LET UP until
I stop what I’m doing to find his answer.
When typing it in, I understandably came across some Halloween
websites. You may think my reaction was
one of relief that it was so easy, and joy that he found what he wanted in a
short amount of time. Ha ha ha, you fool!
Although he is 7 years old, I am still learning how his
brain works. I should’ve anticipated spending
the next forty-five minutes looking at “uniform costumes” with him. I had planned on twenty. When he saw the “Red Coat” outfit, he was
smitten.
“That’s what I want Mom.
I want to be a British Soldier for Halloween.”
“Okay Sauce, we can ord-“
“WAIT! Is that one from
the Civil War?”
“Yes, it’s a Union Soldier.”
“I want to do the Civil War.”
“Okay, let’s look at some.”
We started scrolling through 742 links to costume websites
when a friend happened to call and ask what I was doing. She suggested he
be a Canadian Mountie considering his obsession with all things Canada. What an awesome idea! That would be THE perfect costume for him. If you know anything about Sawyer, you know
that he will someday defect north, renounce his US citizenship and officially
become Canadian.
Okay, Canadian Mountie, it is. Then again, maybe not. Surprisingly, I could not find a Mountie costume for a child. How strange is that? Little Canadian children don't want to grow up and wear big brimmed hats and funny pants? What the heck is wrong with you punks, eh? Those pants could hold a lot of stuff in the thighs...a LOT. Off the top of my head, I have no doubt you could fit a two liter bottle of soda in each side or one of those tiny helium balloon tanks. It'd be a party in your pants! Okay, okay. I meant that in the most innocent way, this here's a family show. I stand corrected. Fair enough, PG13.
Upon the realization that Great White North could not provide a Halloween Costume for my son, I attempted to put it off. I sent a small prayer to heaven before asking Sawyer if we could look again tomorrow. NOW who's the fool?
This was not going to go away and it was gonna be dealt with here and now. Back to the Civil War costumes.
"What is Maryland?"
"Hmmm?"
"What is Maryland? In the Civil war was it North or South?"
"Well, lemme think. This is why your father should never leave this house. At the very least he should have a phone-a-friend line that I could call any hour of the day. Um, Maryland, Maryland, the Mason-Dixon line, hmmmm, South, yes, definitely South."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes! Look at your Momma answering a history question. Oh yeah!"
He was not impressed.
"Are they the grey ones?"
"Yes"
"That is what I want."
"Whaaa?"
"I will be a Grey. What are they called?"
"The guys in the grey uniforms were the Confederate Soldiers."
"They were the bad guys right?"
"Well, yes, they believed in slavery and the North knew it was wrong. But they were all Americans and so they weren't really all bad. Once the North won the war, everybody was friends again."
I field a lot of 'who are the bad guys' and 'can they get to us' with Sawyer. I was tip-toeing on shaky ground and was understandably worried about a face plant!
INSERT DADDY HERE WITH RESPONSES TO THE NEXT HUNDRED QUESTIONS THAT I WILL NOT KNOW THE ANSWER TO. Why does he have to be on the other side of the world right now?
I'm trying to think fast, "Wouldn't you like to be a 'good guy' soldier?"
"I was born in Maryland."
"Well, that's okay, you could pick the North."
"I was born in Maryland."
"I bet some people in Maryland fought for the North."
"I was born in Maryland." His exasperation with my apathy about the "rules" of who was on who's side of the war growing by the second. "If I was born in Maryland and it was the wartime and I went to war, I would go and be on the bad guys side because I was born in Maryland and that is what the people born in Maryland did Mom."
I lost the battle ten minutes ago, why am I prolonging my surrender?
"Fine. I'll order the costume now." And I did.
Thanks to Amazon Prime, it only took three days of Sawyer checking the front porch for packages every hour on the hour for it to arrive. Making Sawyer happy is not an easy thing to do, so to see the joy of his face when I showed him the package after school one day made any heat I may get completely worth it.
The uniform consisted of grey pants w/ a thin gold stripe down the leg and an over-the-head jacket that looks military-ish. I noticed that although the cardboard picture in the bag had a huge confederate flag on it, there was no confederate flag on the uniform.
BINGO! Huge sigh of relief! I mean, I understand why Sawyer feels he needs to wear the Confederate Uniform and I know that very few people would think any less of the little kid wearing a confederate uniform, but they certainly might think less of the MOTHER of the little kid wearing a confederate uniform.
Trust me, we don't have any rebel flag window stickers on the back of our pickup truck. Shoot, we don't even have a pick up truck....or a gun rack for that matter. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I have friends with pick up trucks and gun racks.
Sawyer was happy with the outfit alone for a few days until we went to the Ft. Leavenworth Heritage Museum for a family night. In the gift store were little Civil War hats for little Yankees and little Rebels alike. He needed one. I of course had no money and had to go back a week or two later.
Thanks to the US Gov't, the first time I went back the museum was closed because the gift shop was closed. But that is another post altogether.
I was able to eventually purchase the hat...which has a large confederate flag on the front. Only flashing lights and a siren would make it more conspicuous. Maybe I should've looked into "pimping" his hat. I mean, if he's gonna wear a Confederate costume, he may as well flaunt it right? Uh, yeah, I don't think so.
Is it horrible to let him wear this costume? It is an ugly part of this country's history, but it is part of our history. Where do I stop letting Sawyer be Sawyer in order to be politically correct? How do I explain to him that some people may get the wrong idea and think we are a family who believes in racial inequality when he can't even grasp that concept? Will that even cross the minds of the adults answering the door tonight? Why can't I have normal stressful situations? Why do mine have to border on the freakishly bizarre?
What I really would like to do is print out business cards that say the following:
"My name is Sawyer. I am dressed in a Confederate Soldiers' outfit, because I like learning about the Civil War, not because I (or my Mother) am a racist. I do not believe in slavery and although my Mother did not vote for Obama, it had nothing to do with the color of his skin. She has black friends. Really! Also, the sword I am holding is made of styrofoam unlike the pencil I was wielding dagger-like while yelling at my teacher the other day. I come in peace. So does my Mother. (Who is a really nice person by the way)"
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