Puke-a-pa-looza 2

Author's note: The following is not for the weak of stomach. (Except of course for Charlie, b/c despite his wimpy stomach he must be forced to feel my pain!!!)


This just in: The second annual Carlton Puke-a-pa-looza was held over the last several days. Although last year's event was held in early May with Mary's LASIK surgery starting off the weekend fun, this years' festivities were held in mid-March lining up perfectly with the kids Spring Break! (Having two major events coincide always makes for more fun.)

Sawyer was the opening act. He started off the weekend with a vomit session that would put many a drunk to shame. He threw up so much and so many places that it became a math lesson for Tali to figure out how many rooms in the house he had thrown up in. (1/3 of the rooms on the second floor and 3/4 of the rooms on the first floor)

It seemed as though there may not be a full-fledged festival this year as the waters (and tummies) were calm Saturday afternoon and all day Sunday. But Josie was not going to let the opportunity pass us by. She decided to headline the event and started throwing up Monday night. Shortly thereafter, Baby Charlie joined in. Not to be outdone by the children, Mary felt the need to "blow" them both out of the water (no pun intended - Nah...of course it was).

Baby Charlie and Sawyer were to appear at day care Tuesday and Wednesday, but they blew off both gigs to encore at the house. Sawyer outdid himself with a blowout of major proportion Tuesday morning. Who knew there was anything left in that little body to poop up down and sideways...all over his favorite Thomas pajamas? (For those of you who follow Frogs escapades...he luckily avoided hopping into the mosh pit!)

As Josie came to the front of the stage over, and over, and over, and over, Tali couldn't hold back anymore. By Tuesday night she was yakking with the best of them. And her love of dark blue Gatorade showed. So much so that Mary, who thought she had taken her final bow in front of the toilet, came back for more.

And so it went Tuesday night. From 9:30 to midnight, Baby Charlie had the mike, and kept a running commentary on Phinias and Ferb and SpongeBob for anyone who would listen. (He had gone backstage and napped for several hours in the afternoon). He was allowed four sips of water every 8 minutes. After two and 1/2 hours Mary had lost all track of time, sips, and days of summer vacation.

Meanwhile on Stage 2 the schedule went something like this; 10pm: Tali and Josie do a duet, and Mary sings backup. 11pm: Josie goes solo. 12:15: Tali on melody and Mary picks up harmony. 1:30: Josie and Tali sing together again and Mary follows their lead. 2 am: Josie is back on stage with nothing left to give.

Everyone agreed it was time for an intermission so there was a break. Just when it got a little too quiet, Baby Charlie let loose all over Mary's comforter at 4:10. This included the sips of water Mary had so carefully rationed, plus the extras he'd been sneaking while she was wiping up vomit from Tali and Josie. And then there were those Ritz Crackers he'd taken from the kitchen and ate while Mary was doing her own thing. "But I was so hungry!"

The lights went down and the stage fell silent...until at 5am Sawyer was wide awake, feeling better, and ready to conquer the day! He sat up with one of his common battle cries; "I want meatballs!" Mary's response, "Are you freakin' kidding me?" was still echoing in the hallway when he thankfully fell back asleep until 8.

It was somewhere around that time that Josie, although continuing to try to produce during the early morning hours, was forced to put down the mike and sleep. Tali too, racked like a rock star. Mary - having dreams of the health care debate b/c Fox News was on - drifted in and out of consciousness.

Lyra and Sawyer played the day away. Baby Charlie continued to vomit through the afternoon, but b/c God had the forethought (well of course He would) to send Mary's mom out and to allow her to remain unscathed by the storm, Mary was able to sleep until late afternoon when she became vertical for the first time in two days. When asked about the experience, Mary Lee said "I've honestly never seen anything like it." This does not mean she advocates for the continuance of the festival nor does she encourage anyone else to come witness it.

Clean up will begin tomorrow am. It's expected to take days, maybe even weeks for the venue to recover. Mary and her Mom will be paid double her salery (of nothing) to restore order to the event grounds. (Yet one more example of Mary Lee's sainthood)

Update: it is now 2am...everyone is asleep and the house has been vomit free for about 10 hours...what a long, strange trip it's been....


(Tickets for next year's Puke-a-pa-looza will go on sale at Christmas)