Palm Sunday...

Charlie emailed me this morning and told me he missed Mass. He was feeling especially guilty b/c it was Palm Sunday.

My FB post today read:

In an attempt to save my own soul, I have thrown the kids under the bus. I just couldn't face extra long mass with monsters in tow...If anyone sees my kids in Hell, tell them I said Hi! (Oh wait, I'm probably gonna be there anyway)


So then I wrote back to Charlie with the following~

It's okay you missed mass, the kids did too. Here's what happened:

Jesus was the Grand Marshall of his own parade. Everyone was happy and waved palms.
Jesus had dinner with his crew and gave them the 411 on some stuff that was coming up. They thought he was talkin' smack.
Jesus and the gang went to a garden, Jesus prayed and the crew racked out making Jesus kinda ticked off.
Judas showed up with some soldiers. He kissed Jesus and someone chopped an ear off one of the soldiers. Jesus put the ear back on and went with the soldiers.
There was a riot going on at Pontius Pilots' crib and everyone wanted Jesus to be killed even though there was no reason to do so.
Pontius dumped it onto Herod who dumped it back on Pontius and then they had coffee.
(During all this Peter was perpetratin' just like JC said he would)
The crowd was going nuts and decided to ask for the ancient day Charles Manson to be let out of prison so Jesus could be crucified.
Pilot had no balls and let them nail Jesus on the cross.
Jesus and the guy next to him became buds.
Jesus died, all the while telling God to forgive everyone. (Which when you think about it, should have really tipped them off. Would you be telling God to forgive everyone who just treated YOU like crap and were in the process of killing you? Probably not unless you had some kind of 'in' with the Big Guy.)
Once he was gone, people started to realize they blew it.
The good guys (mostly women of course) put him in a tomb and went home for the Sabbath.

...to be continued....



Of course feeling guilty myself, I start quizzing the kids on some Catholicism over dinner.

Mom: What are the two main parts of the mass?
Tali: The Beginning and The End

Mom: Who can say the Hail Mary?
Tali and Josie sing it b/c they apparently are unable to just say it, but they got it right so I let that go.
Lyra: Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with Thee. Something, something, and something else.
Mom: That's nice. Try again.
Lyra: Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with Thee. Bless us O Lord and these thy gifts...oh wait, that's the other one. It doesn't matter, I don't want a treat anyway.
Mom: A treat?
Lyra: If we know all our prayers the CCD teacher will give us a candy bar, but I don't care.
Mom: Well, there's this other treat. It's called NOT GOING TO HELL! You may want to work towards that!
Lyra: Maybe.