Addendum to Dear Frog

This just in:

A strange looking female was seen wandering the streets of Ft. Leavenworth, KS last evening. It was not the well known ghost who is occasionally seen walking the grave yard and golf course on the base looking for her children. ('The Lady in Black' apparently sent her children out to get kindling for a fire in 1880 and they never returned).

No, not your average local ghost, this woman was dressed in pale pink pajamas with frogs all over them (frogs whose eyes glowed in the dark mind you), a hooded gray bathrobe flapping behind her and very comfy looking black Merrills on her feet. She was also carrying a flashlight.

As neighbors peered out their windows they report hearing the woman mumble a string of mostly indistinguishable words. The only word they could make out (that we are able to print) was "frog."

Rhythmically panning the yards and carports with a very weak flashlight that her children had obviously drained the batteries from, she continued most of the way down Thomas Ave.

A quiet shriek came across her lips as she was walked across a nearby residents yard and spotted a green (possibly grey) stuffed amphibian sitting comfortably in the baby swing of the swing set.

The last visual we have on the perpetrator was an anonymous witness seeing her trot up the alley, robe pulled tight around her and frog tucked under her arm and a delirious smile on her face.

Take caution if you see anyone resembling this description. Call the police and DO NOT under any circumstances try to take her down yourself. Any one nuts enough to leave the house at 11pm to comb the area for a stuffed animal has certainly lost their mind and is capable of anything.


Letter to the editor:

Dear Mr. Editor,

Why must you print such slander of what I can only assume is the most normal of women?

I'm sure many mother's would tell you that not only would a sane person leave their house in the dark of night to track down a stuffed animal, but an argument could be made that the parent that did NOT do that could qualify as a full blown lunatic!!!

Survival is an instinct of even the most incompetent of parents. And to survive while maintaining sanity, certain things must be considered.

1. How long does it take the normal child to scream themselves to sleep when desiring to hold their most prized possession?

2. How many parents will tell you they have an "normal" child? (And to those of you who think your child is normal, you are sadly mistaken.)

3. How many other non-normal children are in the house?

4. How long does is take those other children to fall back asleep?

5. What is the cost/benefit analysis of hunting the neighborhood for said prized possession at 11pm while it is windy, but dry vs. 3am in the rain?

6. Merrill's are so comfortable and functional, only the most savvy mother's wear them as slippers.

7. You may think that only a nut-job would parade around in pink pajama's with glowing eyed frogs, but perhaps her sister gave her those pajamas. The same sister probably recommended the Merrill's so we can only assume the sister is a smart contributing member of society. And sanity usually runs in the family does it not? Insanity certainly seems to.

So my point Mr. Editor is this: The woman's only mistake is not having 3 - 5 of these silly frogs. Why she doesn't just go to eBay and buy a few more is beyond understanding. However, if she is so dedicated to one child that she will sneak around the neighborhood at night, she must be severely dedicated to her other 4 children as well. Of course, I don't know for sure that she does have 5 children, why would I? And I wouldn't know that she's gorgeous either. That would just be a guess.

I'm just saying give her a break!

Respectfully,

Anonymous person that may or may not know the subject of your article, but someone who definitely, maybe, is NOT the person you (or I) was referring to.