Mother's Day

In honor of Mother's Day 2010 while Charlie is gone for yet again ANOTHER Mother's Day; I have taken the day off and am recycling something I wrote a long time ago.

This was written in 2004. Just think, I didn't even HAVE the boys yet!


ENJOY....

Since Charlie is not here to buy the girls gifts for me, I was thinking about what I’d really want from them anyway. They do love me unconditionally, and make me laugh when I’m on the verge of tears. They are my amazing miracles. Still……If their little brains could just somehow open up (however briefly) and grasp the following advice from me, their Mother, I think it would be incredibly beneficial to us all. I would certainly be more sure of maintaining my sanity, which could save us all time and money in the long run. (Therapy costs are rising.) Contributing to my sanity could only assist in keeping Charlie and I together longer. (A stable home life is healthy for children. Just ask Dr. Phil.) Hours of “timeouts,” loss of TV, even medical bills from needless beatings would all be saved. Life could be grand. Unfortunately, at their age, they could never process my words of wisdom. They’d be lost on 5, 4 and 2 year old brains that don’t absorb much beyond Barney, Cheese Sticks and the shape and size of their feces.

Instead of talking to the walls any more today, I’ve decided to share my thoughts with you…

1. When we are in public and you are working of rhyming, please stop when I ask you to. This will typically only happen after certain words such as: Duck, Muck, Luck…. Or Mit, Sit, Slit…..

2. When you aren’t listening and I start to count “One, Two…” This is not the time to show me that you know how to count to three. Also, should I be counting to your sister, please keep your numbers to yourself. I prefer to count on my own thank you. This will benefit both of you when the beatings begin.

3. Two things I never want to hear you say after you answer the phone: “She’s doing poopies” or “She’s doing Spit-em-ups right now.”

4. If I look exasperated and ask if you want to see my head spin around, this is not a promise of entertainment. It would not make you laugh; the thought should make you afraid. Be very afraid!

5. If you MUST touch, breathe on, or look at each other. Please do not do so at the following times: When I am driving, & when we are in public, including, but not limited to the grocery store, church, or any place the Germans will stare or feel the need to correct me or you.

6. When I have been gone over lunchtime, and I ask if Daddy fed you, please lie and say “Yes.”

7. When I have been sick or unable to assist you in the morning and I ask if Daddy picked out your clothes, please lie and say “No.”

8. The rule about not pointing is a good one. People who point too much get beat up. Same goes for staring. Same goes for people who tattle.

9. I will never think that cutting your own hair is a good idea until you are old enough that I no longer have to take credit for how ridiculous you look.

10. While you are rolling around on the floor of any given public place and people look down at you and smile. They DO NOT think you are cute; they are simply fantasizing about how far they could punt your little body. Either that or they are telling themselves how lucky they are that you are not their child.


So there you have it; my feeble attempt at maintaining harmony between parents and children.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Mother’s Day!

Love~
Mary