ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

May I first state, that no one likes having a good story to tell better than I. Of course, to keep the audience's attention isn't every story teller allowed a certain amount of wiggle room when describing, explaining, and dare I say "embellishing" the scenario?!

This story, however, needs no embellishment. I, Mary Carlton swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help my Blog!

EDITOR'S NOTE: The names of medical personnel have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. The times listed correspond to the call lists from Charlie's or my cell phone.

Our story begins on Thursday, January 13th.


7am - I wake up and call to get a same day Dr. appt for Josie. She twisted her knee sledding on Tuesday and had yet to put weight on it. I got an appt for her at 10am.


7:45 am - I send Tali, Lyra, and Brother off to school on the bus.


9 am - I drop Sawyer off at preschool and Josie and I head to the clinic.


12:15 pm - I drop Josie off at school with her new crutches. According to the x-rays she has not broken anything, but "sprained" her knee. She and her knee will need to take it easy for the next week. I grab Tali and Lyra out of their classes to tell them to help their sister on and off the bus. Lyra's response: "She got crutches? That is SO not fair!"

12:34 pm - I arrive home to find Sawyer's new ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) Therapist on the doorstep. She's not due until 1 pm but because she has to drive 50 miles from her house and have her car searched when she gets to post - it's hard to figure out the timing. We sit and talk until it's time for her to go to Sawyer's school.

1 pm - I walk with her to Sawyer's school and make sure she gets signed in, etc. I stay long enough to see Sawyer smile when he sees her.

1:45 pm - I walk back to school to pick up Sawyer and Therapist to walk them home. Sawyer refuses to walk and so we basically "drag" him home. (This goes to my state of exhaustion later in the evening.)

2:10 pm - We arrive home to find Sawyers' music therapist already at the house. The three of us sit in the kitchen while Sawyer lies on the floor screaming b/c we made him "walk" home.

2:30 pm - Charlie arrives home from work and takes the car to "the dentist." At this point, I knew he was coming up on some periodontal surgery to have skin taken from the roof of his mouth and grafted to his gum line. I just didn't realize it was today.

3:40 pm - I meet the kids getting off the school bus to help Josie w/ her crutches. The two therapists then leave me alone w/ my kids. (Why do they think I can handle that?)

4:30 pm - Tali has to walk to her friends' house to go sledding b/c Charlie is not back from the dentist. This drama is enhanced by the fact that last year's snow boots are too small. (Her feet are growing faster than I can afford shoes!) At this point, I check the calendar to see exactly what Charlie's got going on. I find out he is having the surgery TODAY! I suddenly am wondering if he's supposed to be driving himself home!!!

5:30 pm - Charlie arrives home. He is a little swollen and in a minimal amount of pain it seems. I read over the post-op instructions and we talk for a bit. There's a mention of possibly needing to go get him some more gauze. I leave him in bed to rest.

6:31 pm - Tali calls & I go to pick her up at her friends house. We continue on to McDonalds to get Charlie a milk shake. Post op instructions have him eating soft food for a few days.

7:04 pm - The phone rings as we approach McDs. It's in my jeans pocket and I can't get to it before I miss the call. I hand the phone to Tali as the roads are still a bit icy and ask who called. She says "it was Daddy."

7:06 pm - As I pull into McDs she calls him back. She hands me the phone and says "Daddy wants to talk to you."

I think he's gonna tell me he wants a Big Mac too, b/c he was telling me how hungry he was before. His voice sounds weird, garbled even. He says "I'm bleeding. I think I need to go to the hospital." Not quite getting it, I say "Should I stop to get some gauze?" He answers w/ a resounding "NO!"

7:08 pm - I call my neighbor down the street who's an RN. I quickly describe the situation and ask her to go to the house to help Charlie until I can get there.

7:09 pm - I then call the house phone to tell one of the kids to open the front door to let the neighbor in. No one answers and I start to worry.

7:09 pm - I call the kids' new cell phone which seems to hover within inches of their grasp on a normal day. It goes strait to voice mail. I am now picturing the kids all sitting vigil in our bedroom.

7:19 pm - There is a call on Charlie's phone to his Doctor. This was my friend calling as I had not yet arrived home.

7:25ish pm - I pull up to the house & take the back staircase 2 stairs at a time (not easy for me) and hear voices in the playroom. I rush in and fire away: "How's Daddy? Why didn't anyone answer the phone? Did you let Miss Lori in?" They look at me with blank faces. They are so clueless they don't even offer a word. I leave them and run down the hallway. I see Charlie in bed and Lori standing there in scrubs looking quite nursely. As I get closer I start to see what is wrong w/ the picture.

Charlie is holding a large piece of gauze in his mouth and it's rapidly turning red. Lori is on the phone with the Doctor (whom I will refer from now on as Dr O). She's saying he's bleeding quite a bit and even though he is putting pressure on it, it does not seem to be stopping. As she's talking she's swapping out gauze with Charlie.

I realize that the plastic bag she's holding out for him to throw the gauze in is getting full. At that point I walk by the bathroom and something catches my eye. It's the unbelievable amount of BLOOD splattered on the floor, the wall, the toilet seat...then I see the sink. Had there been a sign saying "Jason wuz here" I would've believed it. The sink was full to the brim w/ gauze, rags, and BLOOD. Lots and lots of BLOOD. Did I mention there was BLOOD?!?! I have heard about blood congealing into a jelly like substance, but until that moment, had never saw it up close and personal.


7:31 pm - We are in need of gauze. Charlie is writing notes to Lori to communicate as he has his thumb on the roof of his mouth applying pressure. He writes for me to get the first aid kit out of the back of the car. I go out there (again passing a room full of kids who are completely clueless to what's happening a few rooms away) and pull out from the back of the van the German first aid kit we were required to buy when we lived there. I also grab the smaller kit from the front of the car. As I come back up I hear Lori on the phone asking her husband to bring the first aid kit from their house. We open everything up and start trying to find the best gauze to use. Keep in mind all our stuff is labeled in German and metric measurements. We try soaking the gauze in ice water, wrapping snow in gauze, using tea bags instead of gauze and anything else that MIGHT have an effect. Lori is able to slow the bleeding WAY down. I am able to walk into the bathroom after several deep breaths and a resolve to not break down. It's making me weak in the knees and I find myself dry heaving, but I get it mostly cleaned up.

Things have calmed down. Charlie is now writing an apology to Lori that he's been forcing her to have the background noise of Star Trek on TV. We're joking around, this is good.

Lori told me she'd asked Charlie if he'd taken any aspirin before the surgery. He had run 7 miles Wednesday afternoon and so he'd taken 3 aspirin that night never knowing that it could thin his blood.

7:34 pm - Lori called Dr O. to say that we think we got it under control. It is still bleeding, but has slowed. The Doctor says Charlie needs to keep his head elevated, pressure on the wound and NOT to talk or do anything that might put stress on the site.

7:38 pm - We are trying to see the site and Lori is trying to show me where it was bleeding from. The flashlight that I so carefully keep on a top shelf in the kitchen is missing...SURPRISE! I remember Baby Charlie having it in his bed the other night. Of course none of the children have any idea where it is or where there could possibly be a working flashlight. Lori calls home to have her husband bring their Maglite.

8:14 pm - Dr O. calls back to check on everything. Lori tells her we are good, just continuing w/ gauze and pressure. The Doctor says we should call if anything changes or we have any questions.

8:45ish pm - Lori has stayed for me to get kids into pajamas and bed. She shows me how long to cut the strips of gauze and tells me "I think you're in for a long night" meaning I'd be swapping out bloody gauze for clean all night. She had no idea...none of us did.

For the next hour+, things are calm. I help Charlie into his pajamas, I get into mine, and we sit in bed and watch TV. At one point I ask him if he thinks I should call my friend Tina to warn her that I may need to take him to the ER if it starts again. He kind of shrugs - He still can't talk at this point b/c he still has a mouth full of gauze. I decide not to call. It's 9:20 and I'm afraid I'll wake their kids. Besides, surely this will not start again.

10:08 pm - Charlie makes a strange gurgling noise and I look over. He just looks "odd." He gets out of bed and heads to the bathroom. I jump up and watch him as he bends over the toilet. You know how on Saturday Night Live when someone is supposed to be throwing up, they stick a hose through their shirt sleeve and then the stuff just sprays out? Okay, well, picture Charlie leaning over and opening his mouth as someone turns on a hose of blood. I have never seen anything like it.

I call Lori and tell her we are headed to the hospital. She sends Rob, her husband, our direction so we can leave.

10:13 pm - I call my friend Tina to see if she or her husband can come sit with the kids while we are at the ER. Her husband, Z, answers and says he'll be right over and let Rob go home. Before I put the girls in bed I had told them there was a chance I'd have to take Daddy to the hospital, but one of our friends would be downstairs.

I get dressed and help Charlie to get dressed and we go.

10:18 pm - I call the Dr. as we are getting into the car. There is no answer and I leave her a voice mail to please call me back.

Here is the part where I make a very strong suggestion to everyone to PLEASE make sure that your local ER is programmed into your GPS. There are 2 hospitals in Leavenworth and we have always gone to the same one. The problem is, it's tucked away in a weird spot. Every time I've gone, I've had to look it up. Of course, it's never been a TRUE emergency and there's been plenty of time.

I'm trying to pull it up on the GPS and Nina (the voice of my GPS) is ass-backwards as usual. She's taking forever to pull up the local hospital locations. She then shows that the hospital we usually go to is further away than the other one. This surprises me (as it should since it is actually much closer), but she locks up and I panic.

I decide we'll try the other hospital for a few reasons. Lori and her husband both mentioned within the last 20 minutes that that is where they go. Also, it is directly across the street from the Dental Office where Charlie had his surgery this afternoon. Why this makes me think it's a plus I'm not sure, like maybe the Periodontist lives in her office? But at the time it made sense, I swear. The third and probably most truthful reason is that this particular Hospital is on the "main drag" of Leavenworth. I couldn't get lost. I also told myself that since the main road still had some sketchy patches of ice, it would be better not to have to drive on the smaller side roads. But truth be told, I was petrified of getting lost going to the other ER.

Charlie is frustrated, I know. Things don't really seem to scare Charlie so I figure it's just me pissing him off as usual. As we drive he's trying to motion something to me. At first I think it's that he wants me to go to the other hospital and I'm scared to admit I don't remember where it is. We are sitting at a red light and he's waving his hands around. Looking back, he wanted me to go through the light, but I was on automatic pilot. The light turned red and I stopped, glad to have a moment where I could catch my breath and not worry about hitting a patch of ice or another car.

We pull up to the ER and I let him out by the door. As Monday Morning Quarterback, I realize now I should've walked in with him. I have no excuse except that I just wanted him to get help as soon as possible. Also, as I pulled up so did an ambulance and I just wanted to get out of the way and park so I could go inside. I had brought the post op instructions and was going to give them to Charlie to bring in with him but he was out of the car before I remembered.

Poor Charlie! He walks into the ER with his mouth spurting blood and they look at him and saw. "Aw, did you knock a tooth out?" He's trying to explain with a mouth full of gauze and they are slowly getting the picture...very slowly.

Now, there is one part to this horrific story that will make me laugh every time I tell it. As Charlie is trying to explain what's going on and who he is, etc, he's trying to get his wallet out of his jeans. Again he's holding a bucket (of blood) in one hand and has his other hand applying pressure to the roof of his mouth and he's having trouble getting the wallet. Finally, one of the nurses "carefully" removes it and opens it.

The first piece of ID they find is NOT his military ID stating that he is a LT COL in the United States Army. What they find is his driver's license. The drivers license he had issued in Washington DC, the month after he got home from 6 months in Afghanistan, where he was "fitting in." This license makes him look like the Uni-bomber at best, a homeless mountain man at worst. This proceeds to freak out the ER staff and probably wastes an extra minute or two. After the initial "Is this really you?" Charlie is able to locate his military ID for the staff.

After coming within inches of hitting the ambulance when I try to back out of the way, I find a parking spot and run into the ER. For some reason at this point, I'm suddenly calm. I've got him to a hospital - They will fix it. Really Mary? Not so fast.

First I am at the window saying, then yelling "Excuse me!" about 5 times before they realize I'm there. I'm instructed to go down the hall to the waiting room where someone will take info from me to register Charlie. No one is there. I wait, no one comes. I start walking back up the hall and I get "She'll be there in a minute." I cool my heels for what seems like forever and finally, the "She'll be there in a minute" girl says "I don't know what she's doing; I'll register him for you." Thanks, cuz I was about to jump over the desk and do it myself.

As we're going through all the name, rank and serial number questions. I hear voices from the ER saying the Periodontists name. "Which Dentist?" "Do we have the number?" "Can someone just look it up?" I'm yelling to them that I have the number in my hand, but it seems to take a few tries before anyone seems to hear me.

Finally, they lead me to the ER. As I'm walking back I hear the ER Doctor on the phone. "I'm an ER Doctor, not an oral surgeon. I was gonna put him in a bus and send him over to KU Med." This is not reassuring. Neither was his comment after he hung up the phone when he said "I don't know how to deal with this, she did this, she needs to get down here and fix it."

I can't imagine that much time has passed since we've arrived, but it feels like it's been hours. The bleeding has not slowed...at all! Charlie is coughing and occasionally choking. One of the nurses takes the bucket he walked in with away from him, but doesn't replace it.

Charlie is telling them "I need a bucket!" Nurse Clueless continues on about her business. "He needs a bucket" I say. She's mumbling to herself rummaging around the counter top. "Can I get a bucket for him, please?" I say louder. She says "Just a minute, I'm looking for a mask." "We need it NOW!" I beg. I'm stuck on the other side of the gurney, but I start to try to work my way over toward the counter.

Nurse Angel remains calm, but understanding through all of this. "Nurse Clueless, could you hand them a bucket?" Nurse Clueless gets annoyed and hands Charlie one of those kidney bean shaped pans. I thought he was gonna throw it back in her face. "No," I say, "We need one of those big ones." By the time I'm done saying that he's already filled the little one.

10:56 pm - Charlie writes me a note asking me to call Lori. He feels like the blood is now coming from a different place. I call Lori and try to explain to her what's happening. She says she can talk to the Doc and describe the site from before. I'm holding the phone saying "My friend is an RN. She can tell you where it was bleeding from before."

I get no response. The Doc is examining Charlie and ignoring me. I start to repeat after Lori "It was in the back on his left side next to the Canine tooth." No response. "Is that where it's bleeding now, because Charlie thinks it's coming from somewhere else?!?"

I felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I get that it was an emergency, but the Dr. already said he didn't know what to do. Dude, I've got relevant information over here.

The ER Doc is pretty much shaking his head "Call Dr. O."

They call Dr. O and he talks to her. He is still sounding like he's not real comfortable. Charlie starts to yell (as best as he can), "If you can't treat me, I want to be sent to KU!" The Dr. tells Dr. O "the patient is asking to be sent to KU." They put me on the phone.

For the second time that night, my knees go weak. The scene is completely surreal. Charlie is yelling, sort of, that he wants to be Medovac'd. Nurse Angel is trying to calm him down and keep him clean. I'm telling Dr. O that he wants to be moved to KU. The Doctor is telling Charlie he doesn't know how long it would take to get an ambulance there. Charlie tells him there's one right outside the door. He replies that "they may get called to another site."

Charlie has begun to panic. Charlie doesn't stress about this kind of stuff, so this freaks me out. Things are happening really fast, but at the same time it feels like slow motion too. My head is spinning. How is it that we are at the hospital and they can't help him?

Dr. O says "Do you want me to come?" She didn't have to ask me twice. She says she's in KC and it's about a 30 minute drive, but she'll be there as soon as she can.
Charlie is now telling me to call 911. I tell Dr. O I'm gonna hang up and call 911. I will call her if we end up going somewhere else. As I hang up, the nurse at the front window says "Is she calling 911? I have EMS on the phone." I ask if they can send an ambulance. She says "Yes, but they don't have any idea how long it will take to get here." As I'm writing this, I realize I never heard another thing about any ambulance.

Suddenly, Charlie loses his resolve to leave this hospital. The panic is still there, but his eyes have changed somehow. He is now instructing me to call USAA. We had recently upped our life insurance policies and mine was taking longer to process than his so we had his on hold until my medical papers came through. Ironically, I spoke to a lady on Wed. We were to call her back Thursday afternoon for the final approval.

I hear him and I know what he means but it doesn't sink in right away. I'm thinking I have to call and make sure the policy is enacted in case he dies...

Wait, he thinks he might die! OH MY GOD, he thinks he might die! OH MY GOD, HE MIGHT DIE!!!

This can't be happening. Charlie's been to Kosovo twice, Afghanistan, Iraq and several other places where things could've gone bad. He simply CANNOT die in an ER in Leavenworth, KS.

11:12 pm - Charlie has tried to tell me where to find the phone number to USAA in his wallet. I can't find it, so I call the house and talk to Z. I ask him to Google USAA and give me the phone number.

Sometimes it stinks to be a girl. I don't know if it's a military thing or not, but everyone responds to men much more quickly and seriously than women. Take housing for example: If I call to get something fixed on the house, they'll give me a day next week that they can come. If Charlie calls, it becomes "Yes, sir, we can be out tomorrow at noon." I have a friend whose husband had to call housing from Afghanistan to get something fixed in their house.

I'm feeling the same lack of love in the ER. I don't feel like anyone is listening to me and I'm scared. I ask Z to come to the hospital. If things get crazy I know he will yell loud enough that someone will listen and God forbid something happen to Charlie, I couldn't be there alone.

Z says no problem, he'll call Lori's husband Rob to come back and sit with the kids.

11:17 pm - I call USAA and work my way through 17 or so menus.

"Would you like Savings, Checking, Investments, or Other?"

"Other"

"Would you like Auto Insurance, Personal Property Insurance, Home Owners Insurance or Life Insurance?"

"Life Insurance."

Now at this point, I can hear the EMS guy talking to the person in the curtained area less than 10 feet from me: "You called us for help and we came. Now you need to help us and tell us how much marijuana you smoked."

Seriously???

"I think you said Personal Property Insurance, is that correct?"

"NO!"

"I'm sorry I did not hear your response correctly. Would you like Auto Insurance..."

Finally, I get to "We're sorry. The Life Insurance office is currently closed. Our regular hours are Monday thru Friday......"

After not succeeding in connecting to a real live person after three tries, I hang up.

I'm thinking to myself that Dr. O should be here in about 10 minutes. I walk back over to Charlie's bed. Charlie's bleeding has slowed, but has not stopped. The ER Dr. is talking to the nurse. "Maybe we should call Dr. O back and tell her we need her to come."

"No, wait, she's coming. She should be here in about 10 minutes." I say.

"We called her back and told her not to come. We thought the bleeding had stopped."

"WHAT? Are you kidding me?" (Breathe, Mary, Breathe)

"Do you want us to call her back?"

"YES!"

The Dr. dials the number, makes sure it's Dr. O and hands me the phone. (Who exactly is in charge here?) I tell Dr. O that I thought she was on her way and just found out that they called her back. She tells me that she was dressed and walking out the door when they called and said they had it all under control. I explained that I wasn't so sure about that and I'd like her to come regardless. She asks me what the ER Dr. is saying.

I say to the Dr. "She wants to know what you think."

He nods rapidly and says "I want her to come." He looks like a scared little kid. Again, who is in charge here?

Apparently, she had told the ER Doc to "chemically caurterize" the site w/ Lidocain and Epinephrine. She doesn't think they used enough and wants them to do it again. I tell the Dr. this and he says they've already done that twice.

She sighs and says "I'll get dressed and be there as soon as I can."

After getting off the phone, the discussion turns to Dr. O and whether she has privileges at this hospital. No one seems to know, but they all seem to know her and her practice. I'm thinking "What's the issue?" Are you gonna tell me that if my husbands Dr. shows up in the ER where he is bleeding out, they are not going to let her do anything to help? Really?!?!

I sit as his bedside and start praying. I can't even think strait to do a rosary; I'm just saying Hail Mary's over and over. At one point I look up and see Nurse Angel moving her lips. I could be completely off, maybe she was reciting the constitution for a test she had Monday, but I'd put money on the fact that she was praying as well.

There is discussion regarding the cauterizing machine. They will now try to cauterize the site using the machine and nitrate sticks. Except that, they can't find the machine. I think I must be hearing things; surely they have not lost a machine!

We hear Nurse Clueless say "That darn day shift! They never put anything where it's supposed to be."

Charlie's eyes get as big as saucers. I'm trying to reassure him, but I'm starting to think we should try to go back to the medovac idea.

Someone is sent to the surgical unit to get a cauterizing machine.

At that point Z arrives. I was beginning to think he couldn't get Rob to come back to our house. He has stopped for coffee; bless his heart, not knowing that I don't drink it. But I really appreciate the effort. This does help me breathe easier because I know now if something goes bad I have someone in my corner. They say only one of us can be with Charlie at a time, so Z goes back to tell Charlie he is there.

This gives me a moment to lean against the cold cement wall of the hallway and breathe.

They wheel the cauterizer into the ER. This thing is the size of a microwave and is on a cart. Not exactly something easily lost. A discussion ensues regarding who had the pack of nitrate sticks last. Nurse Angel knows where they are.

In order to use the cauterizer, they have to "ground" Charlie. Nurse Cratchet, who has been in and out but not significant, shaves Charlie's left thigh and applies some large adhesive patch. She stops long enough to mention, "He is awfully hairy!"

"Awww, I bet you say that about all your patients!"

They cauterize one spot and the Dr. states, "Hmmmm, the artery is nicked in two places and it's actually bleeding from both sites!"

Charlie and I look at each other. He rolls his eyes. "That's what we were trying to tell you." He's ignored.

This finally seems to stop the bleeding. Charlie is sitting up and starting to talk when his blood pressure suddenly drops and he briefly passes out. I'm calling his name and Nurse Angel is getting a cold compress. He responds weakly and they lower his head. His blood pressure starts to come back up.

At this point the Dr. orders some blood test where they get his type and something else in case he needs a blood transfusion. A blood transfusion? I am praying for strength.

Dr. O shows up and again I feel relief. Things will be okay. Charlie's color has gotten better and he is up talking again.

12:08 pm - Charlie has asked me to call one of his co-workers to let them know what was going on and that he wouldn't be there tomorrow. I go out to the hall to talk to Z and make the call. I let Z do it, but it doesn't matter, it goes to voice mail.

Dr. O is checking him out and we are discussing the situation. She seems to think that the aspirin Charlie took Wed night did not contribute to his bleeding now. She said the surgery went fine, and he didn't bleed much during the procedure. It is obvious that she is very concerned.

As we continue to talk Charlie closes his eyes. He starts yawning and groaning. It's a lot like when he is extremely hung-over. The moaning and groaning continues and for the second time his blood pressure drops significantly. His head collapses onto the bed. They lower his head, get cold compresses and put the heart rate monitors all over his chest.

Dr. O asks "Haven't you started an IV yet?"

Nurse Angel says "We got the site ready when we took blood, but we haven't given him fluids yet."

The ER Dr then orders a bag of fluids to be attached.

As the first bag is emptied, Charlie is out. He seemed to fall strait asleep after the second time he passed out. He breathing was very shallow at first, but now seems more normal.

Dr. O is standing by the bed and Nurse Angel is still as his head as the three of us watch his chest slowly rise and fall. At some point, one of the alarms goes off. My heart skips a beat (or seven) but Nurse Angel quickly notices that one of the adhesives that are attached to his chest has gotten loose because while he was on the brink of passing out before, he was sweating profusely. This caused the thing to slip.

His blood pressure is back up and the color has returned to his face. I am suddenly exhausted.

They said they were going to move him to ICU. ICU? I visualize an army barracks type ward where beds are side by side and hooked up ventilators and under oxygen tents, etc.

I ask Dr. O if she would like to come out to the hall to meet our friend. Once out there, I tell her about the comedy of errors that occurred before she arrived. She just shook her head. I explain that I was sorry she had to drive all the way to Leavenworth, but I would not feel comfortable until she put her eyes on him and told me it was okay.

She completely understood and said she wouldn't have slept all night anyway, wondering how he was. She did not bad mouth the ER staff at all, but did seem unimpressed. Her opinion was that he was alright. His vitals looked good and the site had been successfully closed.

She asked me to call her the next morning and she left. Feeling like they had finally gotten things under control and that Charlie had dodged a bullet, I told Z he could leave as well. I'm thinking it was around 1:30 or 2 am.

He is still asleep as they wheel him over to the ICU. Nurse Angel is "driving" the gurney and we are accompanied by a nursing student from St. Mary's University. I honestly don't remember much from the walk to the unit, except that we talked the whole way. About what, I have no clue.

The ICU room is very nice. One wall is actually glass so you could look straight into the room from the hall. But you do have the option to pull a curtain across so it seems like a normal room. As they are wheeling Charlie into the room, I hear Nurse Angel say "Here is the gentleman from ER that we called about."

One of the nurses says "Oh, someone came and got the cautory machine for him earlier." Of course, this confirmed what we already knew, BUT went against the spin Nurse Angel tried to pull. (Her only questionable action of the night) She told Z, “He thinks we couldn’t find the cauterizing machine, but we were talking about finding the site to cauterize. We had the machine here the whole time.” I'm glad I wasn't there for that, I might've lost it!

"That was him!" I said.

Nurse Angel is talking to another nurse and I narrow in on their conversation. Nurse Angel is saying "You know when you're in surgery and the blood clots can be as big as your hand? That's the type of clots we were seeing. It was a lot of blood. A lot of blood!"

She then came over to me and said "I know how scary it is to be so worried about someone you love. How scary it is to watch them in pain and not be able to help." She gave me a hug and when she pulled away she was crying. This is the second time in my life that I've seen a nurse reduced to tears. The other time involved a still born baby. Again, maybe I'm way off and she was just having a bad day, but I'd put money on the fact that she was as worried as Charlie and I were.

As they moved Charlie to the bed in the ICU room, he woke up. The nurses introduced themselves, explained the machines and drew blood. Charlie's hemoglobin levels had dropped quite a bit since they had done the blood type test. He had gone from 19 to 13. She said they did transfusions if it got down to 8. They would be checking his blood ever few hours to make sure it was regenerating.

Once we were alone in the room we looked at each other and both laughed out loud. The absurdity of the entire night was not lost on us. We talked for a while and watched some TV. It was around 2:30 am. I figured it would be worthless to go home now and wake up Z and possibly the kids. I set my alarm for 5:30 and thought I'd try to sleep.

Charlie was watching some documentary on Jim Morrison. I was exhausted, but couldn't sleep. I finally dozed for a bit, then woke up at 5 am. Charlie woke up as well. I helped him to the bathroom and got ready to go.

Driving home was surreal. It reminded me of a church retreat I was on as a teenager. A friend was talking about being a military kid and always having to move away from places. She said every time they drove away from another "home" she would look at the people in the cars next to her as they went about their normal day.

"People were driving by and they had NO IDEA what I was going through."

In this case, I was driving down the road with a bunch of people heading to work. Just another day for them...and I felt like I'd been through my own personal war.