The Order of Things

Forward:

So, in the last post, I decided I was going to write a bit every night. And that, of course, was 4 days ago. Maybe if I count in dog years, my postings will seem closer together. Or would that be further apart? Now I've completely confused my simple brain.

As always, I have an excuse. Well, not a direct excuse for not writing, but an excuse for being paralyzed into not getting anything done the other day. This excuse covers why Josie had to go to school in "not quite dry" pants this morning fresh from the dryer, why Charlie missed the bus, why Lyra wasn't talking to me on the way to the doctor today, why I was late for the appointment, and pretty much anything else that's gone awry in the last few days.

I call it a blanket excuse. I figure, why waste time coming up with different excuses for each of the things I screw up when I can use one big excuse for everything? Works for me!

Prologue:

Wednesday morning the kids were back to school for the second day. I was reminded that morning what I seem to have to re-learn every September and after any long break. The first day back is not the hardest day to wake the kids, in fact, it's the easiest day of that first week. As the week progresses it gets increasingly difficult to coax, schlepp, and/or extract the kids from their nice toasty cocoons. (I do think it's worse in the winter, since it's freezing and so dark out. Given the option, I'd stay in bed too!)

For the first time in weeks they not only are they forced to rise before light and change out of their pajamas, (The Horror!!!!) but they must set foot outside the house and get on that dreaded mode of public transportation...the bus! From there, it only gets worse as they are driven to prison, I mean school. A place where there is no Wii, no Disney Channel, no calling and texting friends with the new cell phone you got for Christmas. (Forget the fact that you are now in close enough proximity to speak to your friends, because it just isn't the same.)

Happily, I returned from the bus stop that morning (Wed) and tried to go back to sleep. Sawyer, who, due to a curse put upon me at birth, does not return to school until next week, was not having it! He wanted me to play Wii Fit Plus. "It not Wii Fit Momma, it Wii Fit PLUS! Now kindly refer to your new piece of entertainment equipment in the correct fashion you pathetic, foolish woman." Did I mention that Sawyer is Stewie Griffin in human form?

Fine. I go up with him to play Wii Fit PLUS. I'd been avoiding making a Mii for my Christmas present, b/c I wanted to be sure I could do the whole "body test" and see what age the Wii thought I might be. It told Tali when she was 11 that she was presenting like a 65 year old. I've heard many friends tell me they were appalled at the machines' assessment of them. I see no point of doing such things with an audience. Sawyer, however, was determined to have me log in as the girls forced him the night before to remove his Mii dog and Mii cat off the game so there'd be room for mine. (By the way, Mii animals? Really?) So after he jumps on my head enough times to force me to get vertical, we do the test. I've decided that bragging is completely under-rated because the Wii PUT ME AT MY OWN AGE AND TOLD ME I DIDN'T HAVE TO LOSE WEIGHT, BUT IT MIGHT BE HELPFUL TO GET MY BMI DOWN TO 22 - I WAS AT 22.41 CHECK ME OUT BABY!!!!!!

So, after the excitement of dodging wrecker balls, walking tightrope, and heading soccer balls (& avoiding panda heads), we leave to pick up Josie from school for a Dr. appt. For the first time in the 4 1/2 years of his life, Sawyer decides he wants to dress himself. I'm all for Independence, just not at 10:55 am when I need to get Josie from school and deliver her to the Dr's by 11:15am. Lord help me. So we finally get out of the house. Sawyer looks like a refugee w/ black dress cords and an old green Nike t-shirt. I hope I run into ALL my friends and more importantly, each and every one of my enemies!!!

I won't even go into the issue of arriving at the front desk to realize I didn't have my purse and having to go back down to the parking lot where we had spent 10 minutes looking for a spot, only to find I'd left it at the house which thankfully is only two streets away. So I drove home, got the purse, drove back and by the grace of God found a parking spot in less then 2 minutes. I also won't tell you that I left Josie in the waiting room w/ Sawyer as bringing them would've added about 20 extra minutes to the exercise. As it was, I did it in less than 12. There's also no need to tell you that despite the fact that I told the woman at the front desk that I had to get my purse and that we were there on time, I had to grovel to have Josie seen as going to get my purse caused me to be more than 5 minutes late and therefore should be oh so thankful that they lowered themselves to see us. (Patients are such a waste of a Doctors time, don't you think?) Actually, they were pretty nice about it. I've certainly had worse.

Now that I haven't bored you with too many details. I'll tell you that I took Josie back to school and went to see my friend who so rudely went to her in-laws for Christmas break leaving me here alone with no one to call when I needed to rant. On the way to said friends' house, I called the therapist that was supposed to start seeing Sawyer in September. It's way too long and complicated to go into (you know how I like to make a long story short) but between red tape and extenuating circumstances, we had only seen her a handful of times and hadn't seen her at all since October. I can be frustrated as hell, but it really doesn't mean a thing. What matters is, my child, who's on the autistic spectrum is not getting the therapy he so desperately needs. He's miserable at school, the teachers are not supportive, it's a crappy situation and I needed this therapist to come through...YESTERDAY! I admit, I called at a moment of desperation and uncharacteristically, was a bit pushy. I was subtly saying that if we didn't see her this week, we may have to look into finding someone else. Of course I totally did not want to do that. The time already invested was way beyond what I had the energy to think about.

I parked my butt on the big comfy chair in my friends bedroom and we caught up on all the horrible things our kids did over the holidays. She definitely won the round as she had in-law stories. (and they were good ones) I had been smart enough to avoid any interaction with family over the break.

As I was trying out my first chocolate chip pop tart (not bad, but smores still rank #1) my phone rang and it was the therapist. She told me she'd left me a few messages (none of which I'd gotten) and she was on her way right now, she'd be there in about 20 minutes.

I gathered an annoyed Sawyer and we went home. Here is where my story begins:

Chapter One:

I'm standing in the kitchen. I have several (at least 6) loads of laundry upstairs waiting to be washed. I think to myself, I have about 10 minutes, what can I get done?

I debate on putting in a load of laundry. I peek into the laundry room to asses the situation. (No! The guy from Jersey Shore does not hang out in my laundry room, duh!)
And here's where I get paralysed.

I can't put in a load of laundry b/c there's a load already in the washer.
I can't move the load from the washer to the dryer b/c there is a load in there.
I can't take the load out of the dryer b/c I don't have a laundry basket down here.
I can't bring the laundry basket downstairs without folding the laundry that is currently in it.
I can't fold the laundry that's currently in it, b/c I didn't make my bed this morning.
I can't chance going upstairs to make my bed, b/c I can't hear the doorbell when I'm on the second floor.

Conclusion:

You can see my dilemma and how my hands were tied. Therefore, my solution was to do nothing. Wait, I take that back, I did do something. I made myself a sandwich and it was quite tasty indeed!