My Heros

I was forwarded a site who is doing a contest on Military Kids as Heros.  They wanted a story 100-300 words- not my forte as I like to talk too much.  But in the 1/2 hour I had, here is what I came up with.

For Lynn...who believed that I could pull this together and get it entered before the deadline!  It forced me to sit and write which is something that I long to do and need to figure out how to work it into my day!


Here you go:

Much like the Justice League or the Freedom Fighters, my kids are all super in their own way, but together they make a strong team!

The Coolness (14):  With a constant song in her heart and on her lips she brings music to this household. This hero has embraced the responsibility of being the oldest and most mature.  She is also the ultimate authority on all things trending and popular!

The Saint (13):  The most nurturing, loving, and selfless hero in our household.  She gives in when no one else will and is a constant reminder of how goodness and love always prevails!  She does all this while struggling with anxiety and depression.

The Blender (11):  This hero lives to mix things up!  Her antics and button pushing refuse to allow the family to slip into monotony or boredom.  Quite the artist, she can put on paper anything she has trouble expressing out loud.  She also makes up great family games!

The Entertainer (8):  Every family needs a bit of comic relief, and this hero has made it his goal in life to keep everyone laughing.  Loving SpongeBob, Michael Jackson and a good one liner, he is enthusiastic about life itself and sucks whatever he can out of each and every day!

The Glue (6):  I never expected to have a special needs child, but when one came along; I wondered how I survived without my littlest hero!  Autism has not slowed down this amazing athlete who turns the heads of strangers who see him practicing t-ball in the backyard; he is what keeps these kids together.  He has taught his siblings that “different” can be a wonderful gift!

Dad is leaving again soon, but these Hero’s don’t need to dust off their capes, they wear them every day!

So there you go!  I hope to be writing much more as soon as Charlie leaves....famous last words!

Okay 2013...Bring it!!!

So 2013, you have arrived.  I know you tried to sneak in the back door when I was exhausted from the trip to Texas and right before I was knocked down by the flu, but I heard you.  I may not have opened the door to welcome you, but I heard you.

You are not something special.  I've seen 44 of your kind before and God willing, will see many more after you.  Some of your counter parts have been good to me, others rotten, and some just nondescript.  I'll tell you right now, that 2012 was a fantastic year, so don't feel like you have nothing to work for.  I don't know, maybe you will surprise me, I've been surprised before.  Remember, however, surprises aren't always good things.

I know you don't have anything to do with it, but Charlie leaves again this year.  It is not a "deployment" which has just as many bad ramifications as good.  It is "an unaccompanied assignment."  The Army will not send the family overseas due to Sawyer's autism and my depression and Charlie needs to go do what he was trained to do.  What freaks me out is that although he's been deployed four times and "unaccompanied" once before, it's never been more than seven or eight months.  A year is a very long time and eight months of that year will be on your watch!

Telling me that it's good that he's not deploying is not helpful so don't even go there.  Good things about being deployed:  tax free income, hostile fire pay, no alcohol in country, free meals, free laundry, I'm sure I can think of a bit more.  Bad things about being unaccompanied:  income is taxed, family separation pay is nowhere near what hostile fire pay is, working in an embassy means "required social events"(every wife loves to hear that), having to sustain a second household, buying meals, paying "the help," and I'm sure I can add to that list too!

Also, let's think about the fact that he'll be getting "wined and dined" and I'll be eating chicken nuggets and dealing with 5 children for a year.  I have always said "My war zone is worse than his war zone" and it's usually true!  Now take into account he'll be set up with a cook, a maid, maybe a driver, and here I am cooking (okay, maybe not cooking), cleaning, taxiing, laundering, counseling, disciplining, and trying to steer these 5 creatures into the good and productive citizen lane!  You tell me, who's got it worse?!?

Maybe it's my faith in God.  Maybe, like my Mother, I just refused to believe that God would take my husband and leave me with 5 children to raise on my own.  In my Mother's case, it was seven, then eight children during my Father's two tours in Vietnam.  Also, the news was not what it is today and she frankly didn't have time to worry.  I worry when Charlie leaves, of course I do.  I go through the scenarios of the knock on the door, gaging how long I could hide in a closet before they forced their way in to tell me.  Where would we go, what would we do, who would walk my girls down the aisle...all of that never goes away when they are gone.  Perhaps it's a choice, spending the whole time worrying.  I've always said "Gone for dinner is gone for dinner, it frankly doesn't matter where he is."

Who's to say, something horrible won't happen at the embassy in Kazakhstan?  Libya was not on real big on the radar before that happened.  Charlie has always reminded me that any one of us could walk out of the house and get hit by a bus.  Yes, some places are more dangerous, but bad things happen to people everywhere, everyday.

I guess what I'm trying to say 2013, is that you have your work cut out for you.  My life has been no cake walk, but guess what?  I'm still here.  I would much prefer that you are kind and gentle to me, and to my children who will suffer much more than I in the coming months.  However, should you be harsh and cruel, prepare to face the wrath of a protective Army Wife and Momma!  We will fight with all we have to make it through this year, that's what we do!

Josie's Speech

My sweet, sweet Josie gave the following speech for her 6th grade graduation. Had you told me two and 1/2 years ago that she would ever, EVER get up in front of her entire class and do this, I would've smacked you for being a smart ass.

She's fought demons the likes of one's I dealt with when I was 15...and there she was at the age of 10 barely hanging on!

I can't tell you how proud I am of my baby girl!

The speech:




Sixth grade was probably the best grade of my life. My teacher made a big impact on my life. Mrs. Reinhold is a kind, flexible, amazing, awesome teacher. I could go on and on about her but she is a very great teacher, and I think everyone in my class feels this way. I would like to thank Mrs. Reinhold for everything like ice cream, all day parties, movies, food/drinks, rhymes and songs, and really fun things. We also did some work!


Mrs. Reinhold has always been there for me saying “Smile!” and just making me happy. She is the best teacher I have ever had. Mrs. Reinhold is an amazing teacher and is super loveable.


I would also like to thank Mrs. Rolf and Mrs. Salvatorelli for helping me along the way. All of the Eisenhower teachers have made a difference in my life, even if I’ve never had them in class.


Mrs. Sack has been there for me throughout the years I have attended Eisenhower. Mrs. Sack is a great counselor. She plans so many events for Eisenhower students just to have fun. Mrs. Sack is a very hard worker, who does her job so everyone can have a great day. And if you’re having a bad day, she’s really good to talk to. She is very kind and beautiful.


Mrs. Black is hard working too. She takes care of all the kids and cares for each one of us. Mrs. Black is very sweet and kind.


Mrs. S you have taught band so well. We really appreciate it. Rattle Snakes, Great Gate of Kevin, and Eagle Summit were all good, but we couldn’t have learned them without you. Thank you to all the specials teachers for teaching us about paints, basketball, books, and building roller coasters.


I have made many great friends here at Eisenhower. We have shared so much together. Good days and bad days, inside jokes and parents being deployed. It was very tough to move here and my first year in this school was hard, but the teachers and the students here have made it very special.

I learned the song “There’s No Place Like Ike” three years ago. Next time you sing it, really listen to the words:

But no matter where our paths may lead,
or if we’ll meet again.
We will always think of Kansas
and our Eisenhower friends.


This year I learned about a man named Nick Vujicic. He was born with no arms or legs. He doesn’t see what he does not have but just looks forward to the things he does have in life. He says: “It is a lie to think you are not good enough and it is a lie to think you are not worth anything.” Nick’s motto is: “No arms, no legs, no worries!” His sayings and jokes helped me through 6th grade. I hope his attitude will help you throughout your life too!

Congratulations 6th graders and have a great summer!

Thank you.

Angels in the infield

This is just another one of the many "feel good" stories that I've seen going around email and Facebook now that technology allows us to share EVERYTHING!

I know I brag on Sawyer, probably too much, but every good experience for him is the equivalent to every great experience other kids have.  Knowing that things are harder for him, makes any success that much sweeter.

I was reminded again yesterday of the fact that there are good people out there who do good things just because.  Even the act I'm going to tell you about was not a big deal and the person probably has no idea that I would even consider writing it down, but it was huge.  For Sawyer and for me...and that is what counts!

T-ball has been a great experience for Sawyer this spring.  It's shown Charlie and I (& Sawyer too, I think) how much he has grown and progressed this year.  In the fall, Sawyer played soccer.  It was the first "team sport" he had every played and he was excited.  After all the times he's been dragged to watch his siblings play a sport, he was ready to do it himself. 

The first few practices were tough.  He doesn't like to try something unless he's seen other people do it a few times.  There's a good bit of anxiety going on with him too, so he's very self conscious.  Tantrums occur.

For example:
He has to go first in a drill = tantrum
He has to go last in a drill = tantrum
He's not sure what he's supposed to be doing = tantrum
He doesn't feel like he's doing something correctly = tantrum
Someone is too close to him = tantrum
Someone else bumps into him = tantrum
Someone else is breathing = you get the idea.

He also likes to show displeasure by falling to the ground.  He does this in school too.  One minute he'll be sitting there writing, and the next he is the Tower of Pisa, and finally, he's sprawled out on the floor.  Let's just say he spent the better part of the soccer season spread eagle on the field.  Sometimes facing the sky, sometimes the grass. 

Because we know Sawyer and because he does need the extra help, Charlie and I go to every practice and every game.  So much so, that Charlie ended up being a sort of assistant soccer coach so that he could be right there on the field with Sauce. 

The behaviors draw attention, I won't lie.  Sadly, I was running in 20 different directions during soccer season, so I would bring him to practice and then wait for Charlie to arrive strait from work so I could start taxiing the other 4 kids to where they needed to go.  I did not have the chance to get to know the parents and so they had no idea what was up with Sawyer.

I could see it when we he cried and whenever Sawyer fell over.  The silent wondering of "What is up with that kid?"  Of course, giving lots of attention to these behaviors only exacerbates them and so we try, as parents, to make light of them. Charlie can be much tougher than me and so Sawyer actually responds to him better.  But again, can you imagine watching a game of 5 & 6 year olds and when one falls over crying his dad runs by and says  "Get up Sawyer, you're missing the game." and then continues to run down the field.  It took everything I had not to go on the field, pick him up and cuddle him, but that's not what he needed.

Winter arrived and with it, basketball season.  The falling down improved a bit.  I'm sure it had something to do with the gym floor being much harder than the grass on the field, but whatever works!  He is tiny.  So it's hard for him to throw the ball up to the basket.  There were tantrums there too, but they were less than soccer.  Both times we were blessed with wonderful coaches that worked amazingly well with him...and with us.  They both happened to be women, which I was happy about.  Mom's just have that nurturing thing built in.

Spring brought T-ball season.  It was what Sawyer had REALLY been waiting for all year.  Baseball is his sport, but please don't refer to it as baseball because it's T-ball and Autism brings with it, the whole literal language piece that only seems to affect Sawyer, however, only occasionally.  Therefore, I forget that it matters...and catch hell for it when I do!

One of the characteristics of Autism is "rules."  To say that Sawyer is big on rules is like saying that middle school boys slightly enjoy potty humor.  Let's face it, it's what they live for!  Because he loves rules and because he loves baseball, he can tell you just about every rule in the sport.  He is well beyond the knowledge most boys his age have of the regulations.   Actually, he's beyond many boys twice his age.  T-ball has been going well.  The temper tantrums have been fewer and further between and the moments of spread eagle are almost completely gone.

The challenge of taking a child who understands the sport and then having him play in a "learning league" is that the new rules don't always make sense! 

For example:

There is no empire (or umpire if you don't live in a world where everything relates to Star Wars).  The coaches are on the field calling the outs, etc.

Each inning allows the entire team to go through the batting lineup.  Everyone bats.  Here was the first major problem for Sawyer.  The first game, he was playing second base.  He made 3 outs in a row on his own and began to run to the side.  The coach had to call him back on the field and explain that they give everyone a chance to bat.  This blew his mind!  "Why?" "Because then everyone gets to bat."  "That's not the rules."  "Well, we let everyone have a turn at batting."  "Why?"  And so it went.

Another major difference is that each player gets 5 (usually more) trys to hit the ball.  Seeing that is it stationary on a tee, you would think this could not be an issue.  Well, it is.  "He missed 3 times, he's out."  "We're letting him keep trying."  "Why? He's out."  "Everyone's learning." "But 3 strikes is an out."  And so that went.

The final straw was when, after the first few games, it became apparent that the kids who batted last were getting screwed.  They could have a perfectly good hit, get to first or second and then the inning was called and they were "out by default."  They never got to finish running the bases.  It did stink for my friend's son who continually got onto base and then had to walk off the field by no fault of his own.  The coaches decided that they would switch up batting orders during the game so the same kid was not always last.  Also, they would let the last kid just keep running the bases even if he was tagged out.  So they could just run for the fun of it.  I thought this was a great solution. 

The only time we had a problem with this rule was a few weeks ago when Sawyer was playing 3rd base.  The bases were loaded and the batter hit strait to Sauce who tagged 3rd base and thought the play was over.  But then, the kids kept running.  When he realized the next kid was running toward 3rd, he tagged the base again, but no one stopped.  I could see the frustration and confusion in his face.  When the batter came towards 3rd, Sawyer again stomped on the base and then tagged the runner before he got to 3rd.  When the runner didn't stop and was headed home, Sawyer took off towards home plate, got there before the runner and with his foot on the plate tagged him again!  I'd call that a quadruple play!  Sawyer would just call that "not fair."

So, here we were yesterday, the 2nd to last game and Sawyer has been doing really well.  I cringed when I heard he was last in the lineup, but I thought maybe it would be a good thing, he'd get all the way around the bases.  That's got to be good, right?  Ummm, no!  So, he gets up to bat and hits a line drive between the first and second basemen.  He has no problem getting to first in plenty of time, but then, everyone is telling him to run.  He's watching as the right fielder is running toward the baseline.  I could see him wondering why they wanted him to run and how it didn't make sense to him.  But the first base coach is yelling "Run, Sawyer, Run!"  And so there he is, forced to run strait at the kid who is holding the ball and ready to tag him. Was there really any good way for this to end?  Apparently not!

Sawyer runs, immediately gets tagged and starts to lose it.  People are yelling at him to keep running but that makes no sense to him.  In fact, nothing makes sense at this point.  So he runs toward 2nd, but instead runs strait out to center field screaming.  He pulls off his batting helmet and throws it about 10 feet and then goes down for the count!  It was so funny and sad and hilarious and heartbreaking all at the same time.  Poor little guy!  My heart ached for him as I watched the coach run out to center field and pick him up and carry him to the dugout.  It was all I could do to not run out, but it's better for the coach to do it so I held myself back.

When he was off the field I dried his tears and he said "Why did they want me to get out?"  He couldn't wrap his head around running the bases for fun.  My sweet boy!

And now: the conclusion of the story and why my faith in humanity is restored and re-energized every time someone is good to my little Sauce.

The batting order only changes after TWO at bats, so Sawyer had to go last again.  Before he went up, I did my best to try to explain to him the idea of continuing to run even if he gets out.  He was annoyed at this, but seemed to get it.  I didn't even film his at bat because I was so worried about what would happen.  I wish now I did.

He hit the ball, again into the outfield between 1st and 2nd.  He got to 1st with plenty of time while the kids dropped the ball a few times and finally sent it to third base.  It was over thrown and Sawyer ran on to 2nd.  The 3rd basemen got control of it and threw it home.  At this point all the other runners had gotten home safely.  Sawyer kept running like he was told to but as he rounded 3rd it was like the world stopped as everyone realized what was going to happen.  He was headed to home and the catcher was standing in front of the plate with the ball.  No way! Getting out at home was only gonna make it worse.  I held my breath as I watched Sawyer realize what was gonna happen.  He started to run back to 3rd, but everyone was telling him to keep running home.

All of a sudden the other team's coach went up to the catcher and said "Throw it to second base, hurry!"  The catcher being clueless did just that.  Sawyer then had a clear path and made it safely home.  Parents from both teams cheered and I thought I was going to cry.  It was amazing.  The grin on Sawyer's face was priceless!

I am thankful that God has blessed us with another wonderful coach this season.  Sawyer was so excited to have a "man coach."  He is just as patient as the other coaches we had this year and we were lucky to have him.  The icing on the cake was that the other teams coach showed the compassion and quick thinking that he did.

God Bless that coach for doing such a small thing to make such a big impact on a kid. I have no idea if he knew that Sawyer has Autism or not. He was just helping a kid feel successful and it made all the difference in the world! 


NOTE:  I have come to realize in the last few years that I am one of those parents who is in the stands feeling the whole game in my stomach.  I am competitive and I want my kids to win, but am always well within the good sportsmanship realm.  I just care a lot!  Additionally, I am not a fan of giving everyone a trophy - it's part of what's wrong with kids today.  This whole sense of entitlement thing.  I too felt Sawyer's frustration with not really "following the rules," but I continue to tell myself that this is a learning league and the real rules will apply soon enough. 

I guess I just want to be very clear that if Sawyer was not the last batter and was tagged out in a "regular play" that would be fine with me.  I just have trouble sending a kid into the line of fire so to speak.  Especially a kid that "gets it" the way he does.  Yesterday I was lucky enough to see someone else treat my boy well and for that I am thankful!

Mother’s Day 2012

Several years ago when Charlie was gone for Mother’s Day I wrote 10 tips for the kids. My thought process was that since they could not get me a gift without their father’s help, I would give them ideas of things to do or NOT do which would make me happy. The list was chock full of helpful hints to keep the girls and I all out of therapy.   (I believe I posted it here in May 2010 if you'd like to read the original)

It was a valiant attempt, but seeing as the girls were 5, 4, and 2; they couldn’t read and therefore did not follow them. I guess I shoulda thought of that and read it to them instead of taping 481 copies randomly around the house.

It really doesn’t seem like it was that long ago, but it was. I didn’t even have the boys! (Why didn’t anyone tell me to stop while I was ahead?) The kids are now 13, 12, 10, 7, & 5 and I’ve been thinking that a new set of tips is in order. Now that they can all read, maybe they will heed these a bit more. Certainly that would shorten the length of needed therapy for all of us and save some money in the long run! I tried to used the topics that apply to all the kids, but a few belong more to the girls (who are currently enveloped in hormones riddled with ADHD) and a few lean toward the boys (two clouds of dirt that are either moving rapidly on a collision course toward each other or are asleep).

Authors Note:  Due to the length of the article, I have bolded the main idea of any point that is longer than 4 lines, so feel free to skip through and just get the highlights.  Also, I usually go over a post for two or three days before publishing.  Since I wrote this last night, I didn't have that luxury.  Just sayin'.

1. You are growing and your music taste has begun to develop. You have moved beyond The Wiggles and Barney and it does make me a bit sad. However, as I have a plethora of genre interests, we will most likely be able to amicably share the radio while in the car. (NOTE: This does not pertain to your father) Despite my enjoyment of current pop music, there will be times I come across a station that plays the songs of my formative years. I’ll give you a clue: Embrace the 80’s and our relationship can only be one of peace and harmony! Please know that Brother’s love of Michael Jackson has surpassed all my hopes and dreams. Subsequently, he’s gotten big points, ones the rest of you will never be able to attain unless you do one of the following: become a rockin’ female drummer (to the likes of Mary Stuart Masterson in Some Kind of Wonderful) or prove that you are somehow a reincarnation of Madonna or Molly Ringwald (who are both still alive by the way, so don’t bet on it)!

2. Rolling your eyes is annoying. And obnoxious. And very bratty. Apparently there is a class every tween is invited to attend in order to perfect this move and you’ve all passed with flying colors! I would like to inform you, though, that one of these times your eyes are going to get stuck in that position and you will be forced to look upward 24/7. Not only will this give you a permanent headache and reduce your field of vision, it will also make people think you may be having a seizure in which case they will hold you down and try to shove objects into your mouth to ensure you don’t swallow your tongue. Such episodes will be very inconvenient when you are at social functions involving the opposite sex. (Think: The Prom) This will also nullify any thoughts you may have of cheating off your neighbors’ paper unless you can do a perfect handstand on your chair…not likely.

3. Leaving Legos, trains, Matchbox cars or any other type of non-malleable toy on the floor of your bedroom and then calling me in there at 2 AM to get you a drink of water will never count as a gift certificate for a foot massage. NEVER!

4. Let’s just get this one over with now, YOU ARE NOT FAT! Should your eating and exercise habits lead you to a place that begins to become unhealthy, I will tell you, I swear! And I will not let you out of the house in something that is unflattering and/or will cause you to be mocked! You have to trust me on this and not The Mean Girls. This is a whole chapter that we will get into in a year or so, but for now, let’s save the money spent on hospital co-pays, laxatives, and vomit cleaner and go shopping instead! This tip is a two-fer: CUTTING YOURSELF IS NOT COOL! Again, trust me on this. It has lost any shock value and cannot even be qualified as “a call for help” if “everyone’s doing it!” You’ll have scars that years from now the cameras will zoom in on while you are raising your hand in the courtroom to defend yourself. Also, the same girls who are saying you’re fat will feel free to tell any cute guy at school that you’re a cutter which will completely freak him out, resulting in his decision to ask out one of said Mean Girls instead of you. There’s also the whole flesh-eating bacterial infection possibility that should give you cause to hesitate and spend your money on gum and make up rather than straight razors!

5. As we briefly touched on acceptable fashion in # 4, I’ll go on to discuss another clothing issue that grates on my nerves like nails on a chalkboard. (Before you ask, chalkboards are those things that teachers used to write on before they had smart boards) Shoes are not an optional accessory when one is wearing socks! I am completely unaware how this became so normal to all of you. I enjoy wearing socks in the house, it keeps my feet warm. When I go outside, pay attention, this part is key; I TAKE OFF THE SOCKS OR PUT ON SHOES! It’s really quite simple. That way, I am barefoot and unprotected, yet relatively normal OR shoed, protected, and not looking like TRAILER TRASH! The money I spend on bleaching and/or replacing your socks could have sent Sawyer to college. (Your greedy, selfish brother and sisters are truly sorry Sauce!) As long as we’re on the subject, turning your socks right side out before you put them in the hamper will earn you points…big Michael Jackson-type points!

6. I make dinner, most of the time, when I am required to by the fact that your father is not deployed. I do not enjoy it, and frankly, put as little effort into it as possible. So turning your nose up at what is on the table doesn’t bother me in the least. Eat it, don’t eat it, whatever. But here’s the deal: What I make is what’s for dinner. You want something else? Knock yourself out! Remember though, you are now providing your own dining choice and therefore are in charge of any alternate utensils, dishes, beverages needed. I am not a waitress – anyone who ate at the Brick, NJ Pizza Hut in the summer of 1987 will assure you of that. I will not get up to get you a bowl for cereal, or the spoon you forgot, or put a hot dog in the microwave. I am ready to eat and am most likely hungry and cranky as it usually takes 15-20 minutes for everyone to bother moseying on over to the table after I’ve yelled “Dinner!” about 27 times. You have my word that as soon as your father deploys again we’ll go back to a diet of nuggets, mac-n-cheese, cereal, and, on special occasions, breakfast for dinner!

7. As long as we’re talking about eating dinner, I suppose I should say something about manners. Ugly things, manners. Such a point of contention around here. Bottom line: You know you’re basics and you all do a fair job of using them. “Pleases” and “Thank Yous” are heard with minimal prompting. There isn’t much SEE-food at the table. Holding in bursts of bodily gases could use a bit of work, but honestly, I think you’re fine. The problem is, when other people are around, you need to step it up a notch. It matters to your Dad and so you should make an effort. Am I going to send you to hoity toity finishing school? No, because then you would annoy me and I’d be forced to get rid of you. But do us all a favor and play the game when people are around who care. You know who they are and you know the rules; you’ve been corrected on anything I didn’t bother to learn. Company does not live with us, nor do they stay forever- regardless of how it feels. Suck it up! Sit up straight, elbows off the table, and all that crap. You can go back to hovering over your morning cereal bowl soon enough.

8. Chores are a part of life. The sooner you accept that and just do them, the easier life will be. What is being asked of you is not that much, really. You say the word and I am happy to pull up videos on the computer of children walking miles to fetch and carry water back to their home for the day. I guarantee there are kids in a 50 mile radius of this house who have to get up early to do farm chores. Milk the cows, feed the chickens, muck the stalls. You guys wouldn’t last one week in a house like that. Then there are the kids who don’t go to school because they have to go to work, like a job, something lovely like cleaning bathrooms or selling their bodies; you know, easy stuff. There’s a video I saw not too long ago where a Dad shot a hole through his daughter’s computer because she was complaining on Facebook about having too many chores to do. I have his phone number on speed dial and there is a shrine to him on the third floor. (Of course you wouldn’t know that because you are all too scared to go up there) But we’ve moved beyond Super Nanny kids, Jo is no longer my first line of defense!

9. YOU ARE NOT FAT! And CUTTING DOES NOT MAKE YOU COOL! Sorry, but it’s worth repeating. That reminds me, I’m waiting on new mirrors for your rooms and bathrooms. They are at the engravers!

10. I’ve saved this for last because I feel a bit guilty about the whole thing. I know that because Santa puts presents under the tree and the Tooth Fairy puts money under your pillow when she isn’t sick or too tired to fly that night, you believe in all kinds of magical creatures. I’ve performed the duties long enough and I have to come clean for all of your sakes. It’s not so much that I have lied, it’s that I never explained the whole truth. Your BobBob would call it a “lie of omission” as he learned that from his 7th grade nun-teacher. He’s big on the whole “lie of omission” thing if you’ve got some time. But I digress…or at least I stall. Here’s the truth, the sad, pathetic, painful truth: There are no Bathroom Gnomes. That’s right……I know it hurts, but we’ll get through this together. You see, at midnight, the toilet rolls don’t automatically re-wrap themselves into a full roll. Where do you think you get those cardboard things to make school projects from? Also, the soap dispenser doesn’t stay full at all times like the loaves and fishes. I know this will blow your mind, but there aren’t tiny men with an intricate pulley system lifting the towels off the floor and folding them nicely on the rack! They really don’t ride around on the Scrubbing Bubbles that you see on TV. There is no such thing as a Scrubbing Bubbles Rodeo! I’ve heard you speculate from time to time and just never stepped in to clarify. It gets worse too. The Gnomes also do not clean your underwear before I wash it. I can only assume that’s what you think! Certainly, any normal child would be embarrassed enough to start wiping their bum if they knew their mother was forced to deal with washing it out! Again, the money I spend on bleach….we could go to Disney World!

So there you have it, my wishes for Mother's Day that, if followed, would make my life a happier one!

I pray that Mother's everywhere are given the day off and are showered with love!

Sawyer made the DoD EFMP Newsletter

I got a phone call from the EFMP Director on Post that there was a writer who needed to interview a parent of an autistic child for National Autism Awareness Month. I agreed and did a phone interview. The result is below. I couldn't be more pleased with her descriptions of Sawyer and what a blessing he is to us! It took forever to figure out how to take a jpg file and get it on here so I scanned in the hard copy, but then it was hard to read so I copied the text at the bottom. It won't let me do paragraph breaks, but if your interested, I think you can get through it! Thanks for reading!

April 2012 Department of the Army Exceptional Family Member Program ~ April: National Autism Awareness Month ~ Five‐year‐old Sawyer has ‘big plans’ Sawyer Carlton is a pint‐size happy little tike with big plans: To grow up on pepperoni pizza and chicken strips and to become a professional ball player; he wants to become a professional golfer, too (but that’s in his spare time). Ideally, whichever jersey he wears will feature his favorite color: Green. For now, the 5 year old is content with learning how to play tag and other social playground games. It’s a complex world out there for a mind that is so literal; there are few hard‐and‐fast rules. If only there were rules.… Sawyer is a lot like other boys his age, only he also happens to be diagnosed with autism. April is National Autism Awareness Month. Many Exceptional Family Member Programs(EFMPs) have special activities planned to raise awareness. For instance, EFMP Manager Jennifer Buford held an information booth at the Post Exchange at Fort Leavenworth during World Autism Awareness Day (April 2); this is in addition to her regular parent support group activities and a bowling event for children with special needs. A similar display is planned on April 28 during the CYSS Family Fun Fair at Fort Meade, said EFMP Manager Caraline Someck. Linda Moseley was newly assigned to her EFMP installation this past month(Presidio of Monterey). Her goal was to bring military and civilian parents together on April 12 for a speaker to talk about services and treatment options for children with autism. EFMP Manager Terry Rogalla (Fort McCoy) noted that an article is planned for his installation newspaper, and the Child Development Center staff wore blue as part of Light It Up Blue Day (April 2) to raise awareness, as well. April is just another month like all the others for Sawyer and his Family, which includes four older siblings. Autism is a lifelong journey. Mary Carlton still remembers the day when doctors finally had answers. Her son was 14 months old when she and her husband, LTC Charles Carlton, started asking questions. Sawyer was 3 years old when the answers came. By then, Charles Carlton was on deployment. “That was one of the hardest things for me,” she recalled. “I had to explain to him on Skype what was going on and what we have to do next.” There was a period of denial at first. Then came the second and third opinions, plus more tests. “Eventually, we had lots and lots of data, and then it became: ‘So, now what?’” The parents looked around and found themselves amazed at what all was available for services. They put one foot in front of the other and moved forward. Mary Carlton swears by early intervention. “We’ve learned a lot. With a diagnosis, they helped us understand there was a reason for the things he did and the behaviors he had,” she explained. “Behaviors we used to think were simply spoiling or defiance now make sense. It's like suddenly you open your eyes and think, ‘How did I not see this before?’ It's not under his control. It's not his fault.” One thing the Carltons have learned is to adhere closely to a schedule. Change can be a catalyst for an outburst. “It’s okay to alter plans, if we let him know what’s going on. He may not like it, but he’s okay – as long as he knows in advance.” “We’ve been blessed to have really great services at such an early age – particularly ABA therapy. That’s just been amazing. I can't say enough about it.” Getting involved in the parent support group has helped tremendously, too, Carlton said. You learn so much from other parents, ideas you never would have thought of otherwise. “Just to hear you're not the only one matters in some small way, sometimes.” She also blogs about her experiences and has a support group on Facebook. A parent of an older child with Asperger’s serves as her mentor. “That helps bring perspective when things are more challenging.“ Counting the Blessings One of the benefits of having a child with special needs is that the couple’s other four children are more accepting of children with exceptional needs. “A lot of kids shy away from anyone who's a little different,” Carlton noted. “My children just see them as typical kids, so they go right up and invite them to join in.” The Carltons also have connected with people they never would have known if not for autism: “I see no shame in acknowledging autism,” Carlton stated. “It's all around us.” People come up in the commissary with questions about autism. “It gives me a wonderful opportunity to advocate to others.” Sentimental Moments Mary Carlton paused to reflect a moment. “Some people view autism as a sort of ‘death sentence,’ but it’s not that way at all,” she continued. “Sure, you want to change things, but Sawyer is more than this label. He's a sweet little boy in his own way. He always has been. If anything, this has made us love him even more.” How? She described one instance when she helped him prepare for a school event. He was in a character costume and was required to jump over a figure of a moon: “He kept jumping over that moon, practicing over and over, so I scrambled for a camera and started to record.” The scene was so cute that she couldn’t help but gush: “Oh Sawyer, I love you so much.” Just like that, Sawyer responded that he loved her, too. “He says it so rarely – and I captured it on tape! It’s priceless,” she enthused, with a catch in her voice. “It made me so happy — it still does. I can’t help but cry.” My other children say that all the time, and I adore them, too, she said. “It’s just that it’s so rare with him that it still chokes me up. Moments like that are priceless.” Things are in a good place for the Carltons right now. They’re doing well. “Every time my parents come they're amazed. They say each time that he's like a whole new kid.” Carlton said she’s optimistic about her son’s future: “I truly do see him having a future in sports, I have no doubt.” She also sees him in college someday. “I hope he finds something he's passionate about. And I hope he finds someone and gets married, has kids, the whole nine yards. We'll see. It depends on if he keeps growing and expanding his horizons,” she shared. One thing is certain: Sawyer’s entire Family will cheer him on.

Speak!

One of the well known facts about military families is that we move...a lot! We are currently in our 10th house in 15 years of marriage. There is so much that goes into moving that is a pain, but one of the aspects civilian people may not think about is that every time you move you not only have a new house with new windows that your old curtains don't fit in, but you have new people. It's more than neighbors and potential friends.

New teachers, new doctors, new dentists, new eye doctors, and new therapists. This is quite a few unknowns to deal with, but there is one more. One so capable of making your life a living hell that it must be addressed on it's own.

It is...the new hair stylist! Ohhh, it hurts just to see it in writing! I grew up in the small/mid-size town of Carlisle, PA. There was a beauty salon right outside the front gate of post.

The Hair Loft, owned by Cathy Meals, was the only place I ever remember getting my hair cut as a child. Cathy was the coolest lady. Her daughter, Natalie, was only a year younger than me, but Cathy was younger than my mom and very hip! Hair, makeup, clothes: she always looked great and was up on all the trends. The first cut I remember specifically wanting was a "Dorthy Hamill" and she did it right! (I even made my mom buy me some "Short & Sassy" shampoo that Dorthy was touting at the time)

My parents retired and remained in Carlisle, giving me the option to get my hair cut at what was now called Tangles whenever I am home. Natalie bought the business from her mother and is now the owner of a place that made anyone's Steel Magnolia salon dreams come true. It is always great to go back and see Natalie. Another friend from high school, Jeff, also works there and is my regular stylist. More times than not, I run into several other people I know while I was there. It is a great place to catch up with all things that were Carlisle.

As soon as I confirmed the date for my wedding, my next call was to Natalie to block out that morning for my own and my bridesmaids hair. She also did my nails the day before when I couldn't find my engagement ring - hmmm, another blog worthy story.

I still go there every summer and bring my daughters there too. My point is this, your hair salon is a part of your "hometown" so when you have to move every couple years, you aren't gonna get that feeling. I understand that, but I still have standards.

I believe that as soon as someone has mastered all the hair techniques, such as cutting, coloring, parting, etc, they need a final course. It could be called, "How to Conversate 101."

It may not be very obvious, but I don't get out much. Even with all the kids in school this year, it is a MAJOR deal to go get my hair done. There are plenty of other things I could and should be doing (laundry, dishes, groceries, etc) than spending money on my head. I can hear you now; "But you have to take care of you," "You need to treat yourself" BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! I get it, I do.

Sadly, after 5 kids and feeling very overwhelmed, my hair is one of the last priorities. When I have somewhere to go, I get it done and it's fine. It's just not something that is on the calendar every 4-6 weeks like they keep telling me. Honestly, I'm lucky if I get back within 6 months.

Last week I had a ball to attend. The kids kept calling it a Prom, but no, it was the Special Operations Ball. I was excited because we had not gone to a ball in years and it is fun to get dressed up once every few years!

I had found someone to do my hair in Leavenworth. I really liked her and the salon. I got to know about her life, her family and she got to know about mine. There was some banter in the shop and occasionally I would look over and see a friend in a chair across the room. I went to this person for two and 1/2 years. We had a good thing going. And then she was gone...

Remember back in middle school when you were "going" with someone and they wanted to break up so they sent a friend to tell you? It felt like she broke up with me. Did she quit, get fired, what? No phone call, no note, no forwarding salon. Ouch!

Here I am, finishing my 3rd year in the same house, a rarity, and I have to find someone else to do my hair? (insert long wail of desperation)

Back to the ball, I am optionless. A stylist is someone with whom you have a relationship built on trust and confidence that you won't be walking around town looking like a fool! To go into this blindly just stinks! I need my hair done and I have no clue who to call. I go back through some advertisements from when we first arrived and I find a coupon (yeah, I'm cheap) for a different salon downtown. I had brought Tali there several months ago and thought they did a decent job. Unfortunately, the girl who cut Tali's hair is not working that day so I go with "Cuteness." (It's not my intention to dime anyone out here- just pontificating)

I walked in to find Cuteness standing there expectantly. "Mary?" She really was cute and I loved her hair which I think is a fair commentary on how they'll do yours. As it turned out, I loved how she did my hair. She did great with the color as I'm not organized enough to have my last person write the formula down. Who knew I would need it?

My first issue was time. It took 3 hours for her to cut, highlight and style my hair. Three hours in the life of Mary Carlton is a loooong time. That being said, if I felt that it really should've taken three hours I'd be okay. But when you are watching someone sloooowly separate out a piece of hair, then reeeeach over for the foil and laaaay the hair on it and then paint several very sloooow precisely placed strokes of color on your hair, before foooolding the foil over and roooolling it up, it can be incredibly nerve wracking. It took all my restraint not to jump up and say "Toss the bowl over here sister, I'll help you out! Slip, slap, next section!"

But there is no way to be snarky to someone who holds the fate of your hair in their hands! Seriously, you want to tick off someone who is standing over you surrounded by scissors and hot curling irons? It could get ugly quickly and that's just not a chance I'm willing to take!

The real issue, however, the big one, the reason I felt compelled to write was this: There were no words! None! Nada! Zero! Zilch! Do I need to go on? Honestly, it could've taken 5 hours and I wouldn't be complaining if there was enjoyment involved...or a conversation of any type! Berate me for not knowing the formula, make fun of my clothes, just speak!!!

Like I said, she was cute and the shop was adorable. Alas, it was empty and the foil echoed painfully. There was only one other person in the salon, but there was no chatting. The other woman did have two older customers during my appointment. They talked a bit and I said a prayer of thanks that I hadn't suddenly gone deaf. I had to stick my nose in their conversation a few times just to make sure I wasn't mute either.

I tried to talk to Cuteness and this is how it went:

"Did you grow up in Leavenworth?"
"Yes"
"So you've lived here all your life."
"Well, we moved to Lancing." (the next town over)
"Were you a military brat?"
"No. My Dad owns the something(a car place) downtown."

I have no idea what the place is, but I pick up on the car aspect.

"Did your Dad put you in the TV commercials when you were little?"
"He doesn't do commercials."
"Oh, I was just thinking about how many times you see local low budget commercials for car places and the owner puts his kids or grand kids in them. They aren't always the best choice either. I think it's funny, but it drives my Dad crazy for some reason."
"No, he doesn't do commercials."

I try a different tactic:

"Did you watch the Oscars?" (I was holding an "Oscar Preview" People magazine)
"No"
"Oh, well I DVR'd and have watched parts of it."
"Mmmmm"
"There were some pretty dresses, but lots of beige on pasty white women. I don't get that."
"Sometimes I watch to see the hair."
"It probably gives you good ideas, huh?"
"Yes"
"Do you get a lot of girls coming in for Prom?"
"Yes"
"Oooh, I like her hair! I wonder what time they get up in the morning to be ready by 3 or 4 in the afternoon. I'll be lucky to have 15 minutes alone to dress and do my makeup tonight without the kids needing something or fighting."
"Mmmmm Hmmmm"

I bring out the big guns. When people find out I have 5 kids that's usually good for several questions ie: "Do you know what causes that?" "Are you Mormon?" "Do you home school?" All of these are very original and clever...NOT!

"There's 5 of them. It gets kinda crazy."
"I'm sure."

Wow, I got nothin'!

This is where I admit, I don't have the gift of conversation that my husband does. He can talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime and get a dialog going that usually ends up in an invitation for us to visit the cab drivers country and stay with his relatives. You may think I'm kidding, but I'm not.

I'm not always comfortable talking to people I don't know. I don't feel the need to strike up conversations where ever I am. I prefer to be in my element, but when put in a situation where it's my only option, I'm willing to give it my best! I guess I could have sat and contemplated the state of the world or sang songs in my head, (there was not even a radio or TV on). What I really wanted to do, and did a few times was fall asleep. But dozing is not good when someone is trying to cut your hair evenly. So, maybe I'm not a great (or even adequate) conversationalist, but I'm also not willing to shoulder the entire responsibility for the lack of discussion.

A hair dresser should be the type of person who is an extrovert or who at least can begin and maintain a dialog of give and take. Communication is a bonus when you need to understand what your customer wants. Additionally, going to the beauty salon is a social event of sorts, a situation that calls for noise. I'm happiest in a busy shop with lots of friendly abusive comments going back and forth. And gossip, I'm big on the gossip!

Sadly, while I was getting wound tighter and tighter watching the clock tick, Cuteness didn't seem to mind the silence. Maybe, she's new and was concentrating really hard. Maybe she had a lot on her mind. Regardless of the reason, I don't know if I'll go back. She did give me a Coke when I arrived and took the coupon although it was expired, so she gets points for that. I suppose should consider the fact that I read two magazines cover to cover (which never happens) a bonus, but I'd rather just talk.

I'll be in Carlisle for about a month this summer. Hey Natalie & Jeff, book me when the shop is at it's loudest, please! There's no place like home!